Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by nogroupiehere on September 8, 2010 at 10:43am

Okay let me make sure I understand; accpeting him for the person he is (which isn't bad overall) allows him to keep up this behavior of disregard when it comes to women? Wow when put that way I'm giving Chances he clearly doesn't need want or care for.

SPICE said:

Stop beating yourself up over this statement. You can't control how a person treats you! You can only control how you let them treat you!!!! You're aware of his shortcomings and you're still dealing with him and you get upset when he won't 'treat you like a lady'??? You dealing with him and giving him a pass tells him you're ok with him the way he is.
Obviously he's ok with himself and if women entertain him and all his flaws he won't change to accomodate you.

For every man like this, there are 2 men that are not like this that are waiting for you. Go and find them.

nogroupiehere said:

I have not waited seven years lol. The term respect is used so lightly these days. I used to play him close and I'm slowly cutting him off. Why slowly? Because we were friends first and I feel that our friendship is more important. I just don't understand the disregard when dealing with a good woman.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on September 8, 2010 at 10:51am

Sometimes accepting someone as they are means you have to leave them where they're at.

nogroupiehere said:

Okay let me make sure I understand; accpeting him for the person he is (which isn't bad overall) allows him to keep up this behavior of disregard when it comes to women? Wow when put that way I'm giving Chances he clearly doesn't need want or care for. SPICE said:

Stop beating yourself up over this statement. You can't control how a person treats you! You can only control how you let them treat you!!!! You're aware of his shortcomings and you're still dealing with him and you get upset when he won't 'treat you like a lady'??? You dealing with him and giving him a pass tells him you're ok with him the way he is. Obviously he's ok with himself and if women entertain him and all his flaws he won't change to accomodate you.
For every man like this, there are 2 men that are not like this that are waiting for you. Go and find them.

nogroupiehere said:

I have not waited seven years lol. The term respect is used so lightly these days. I used to play him close and I'm slowly cutting him off. Why slowly? Because we were friends first and I feel that our friendship is more important. I just don't understand the disregard when dealing with a good woman.

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on September 8, 2010 at 10:59am

Pretty much! He is who he is and it's up to you to decide if he fits into your plans warts and all.

****my mother told me a story about her sisterinlaw (my fathers sister). Her husband was a drunk and he would come home every night, sit in the front of the yard and say ***mary with all YOUR faults, I still love you! Now he's the drunk and he's ok in his mind, now it was up to her to make a decision. She could stay or leave. Took her 10 yrs to leave. He was a drunk, but overall he was a good man to her: he gave her his paycheck every Friday. LOL

I gave this little side story to say, we all know what we're dealing with, but we hope and hang in there that somehow others will change for us.

nogroupiehere said:

Okay let me make sure I understand; accpeting him for the person he is (which isn't bad overall) allows him to keep up this behavior of disregard when it comes to women? Wow when put that way I'm giving Chances he clearly doesn't need want or care for.
SPICE said:

Stop beating yourself up over this statement. You can't control how a person treats you! You can only control how you let them treat you!!!! You're aware of his shortcomings and you're still dealing with him and you get upset when he won't 'treat you like a lady'??? You dealing with him and giving him a pass tells him you're ok with him the way he is. Obviously he's ok with himself and if women entertain him and all his flaws he won't change to accomodate you.
For every man like this, there are 2 men that are not like this that are waiting for you. Go and find them.

nogroupiehere said:

I have not waited seven years lol. The term respect is used so lightly these days. I used to play him close and I'm slowly cutting him off. Why slowly? Because we were friends first and I feel that our friendship is more important. I just don't understand the disregard when dealing with a good woman.

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Permalink Reply by nogroupiehere on September 8, 2010 at 11:18am

I'm not trying to change anyone, I'd just like for him to meet me half way is all. We'll have a heart to heart real soon and go from there, because this I can't and wont do. Trying a relationship with no sex after being a FB (f*** buddy) for so long just might be the problem, I guess he tought if he put a title on things I would get back in bed with him. Boy was he wrong, I won't lie its hard for me not to. But I wanted to see if there was more there, and clearly there isn't. So I can either get with it or get lost right.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on September 8, 2010 at 11:20am

Right

nogroupiehere said:

I'm not trying to change anyone, I'd just like for him to meet me half way is all. We'll have a heart to heart real soon and go from there, because this I can't and wont do. Trying a relationship with no sex after being a FB (f*** buddy) for so long just might be the problem, I guess he tought if he put a title on things I would get back in bed with him. Boy was he wrong, I won't lie its hard for me not to. But I wanted to see if there was more there, and clearly there isn't. So I can either get with it or get lost right.

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Permalink Reply by Karma on September 8, 2010 at 11:33am

I never understood that either about guys! We women put up with ALOT of s*** that we so don't need to be putting up with! I learned this the hard way. If that negro can't meet you half way or give you the same respect that you give him, screw his ASS! If he wants to mess around with the riff raff let him, cause when he get's tired of that he's gonna come right back to you and by that time you'll be married to some billionaire BALLER and he's gonna be lookin like damn, why did I let that one get away..... We women are the rulers of the freakin universe and we need to start acting like it! : )

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on September 8, 2010 at 12:10pm

Right.

Ms. Smith said:

Right

nogroupiehere said:

I'm not trying to change anyone, I'd just like for him to meet me half way is all. We'll have a heart to heart real soon and go from there, because this I can't and wont do. Trying a relationship with no sex after being a FB (f*** buddy) for so long just might be the problem, I guess he tought if he put a title on things I would get back in bed with him. Boy was he wrong, I won't lie its hard for me not to. But I wanted to see if there was more there, and clearly there isn't. So I can either get with it or get lost right.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on September 8, 2010 at 12:52pm

quickquestion: why do you need him to help you make a decision? Decide what YOU want and go from there... Speaking from experience... he's gonna hit you with "aww boo it aint like that" or "you da one be trippin" and the cycle will continue... the only reason you want to have a heart to heart with him, is because you are not ready to let go and you want him to say the magic words to keep you hangin on...

nogroupiehere said:

I'm not trying to change anyone, I'd just like for him to meet me half way is all. We'll have a heart to heart real soon and go from there, because this I can't and wont do. Trying a relationship with no sex after being a FB (f*** buddy) for so long just might be the problem, I guess he tought if he put a title on things I would get back in bed with him. Boy was he wrong, I won't lie its hard for me not to. But I wanted to see if there was more there, and clearly there isn't. So I can either get with it or get lost right.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by J.R. on September 8, 2010 at 1:20pm

I'll chime in on this...the age old question.....lol...but I'll try to simplify my viewpoint as best I can....but as your title states it's a RESPECT issue.....not to hip you all to game per se, but this is more like a service advisory.....how you meet him is how you leave him...or whatever attracted you will eventually make you despise him. Simple analogy: if you where attracted to a guy because of his looks, then eventually those looks will eventually make you despise him i.e. him finding other admirers.

But little known to women guys talk about this things. Most women prioritize based on looks, income(security), etc then character and values dead last. When first impressions are made, while you are sizing us up for looks,money and etc, we are also sizing you up for values, reasoning skills, wifey qualities, etc. Now the key is if you are attractive we still will mess with you but will have NO RESPECT FOR YOU because of what you value. This will gradually be exposed in instances like the aforementioned. Little known fact to women most guys have this duality built in, meaning a shitty dude will not necessarily be that way all the time, it may just be specific to you because of his respect level. This is the reason why girls get left for seemingly "lesser broads" but in reality she is deemed a better value for various other reasons. Again this is not always the case, but mostly. Upon meeting a new chick, I try to determine why she may be interested in me and her past history of men(really what kind of losers) she has dated in the past to determine to see how I'm gonna play it. If she tells me her last man was a loser, baby daddy, cheated on her etc, I'm going to judge her for being a bird brained broad because she is taking the victim role because she allowed it in the past. So why would I be "captain save a hoe" and wife a broad that obviously had dudes in the recent past doing anything goes.This is the same reason why dudes wife white women and homely broads instead of the video vixens and etc. No dude wants to be that guy who wifes the bimbo and sports her.

So to answer your question I would say although you may consider yourself "good" you may not be viewed in that light to him. It could be a matter of you being too demanding as far as expectations, that is also very unattractive to a man in a long term relationship. Some men are inspired by women like that and some men just rather have women take them at face value. In my recent past I have had to "dumb" down to meet potential women and seem less complex. Things like being well dressed and having nice things make woman view you in such a different light. IMHO it has always to been better to be more humble build up. Matter of fact if you are an attractive man and have house, car, nice career it is way harder to take women seriously. Women are programmed now to seek out those raggedy dudes in need of repair, I have pulled about 10times more women in my hyundai than I have in my mercedes.

Again disclaimers, if I offended anyone it was unintentional but hey the truth hurts and this is the internet so take it in stride. Any specific questions or comments I would be happy to answer one on one for clarity if time permits.

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Permalink Reply by nogroupiehere on September 8, 2010 at 1:43pm

Well put, so because I believe I am entitled to respect in my current screwed up relationship he may not like it? But yet complains about how women would open their legs to a man without knowing anything about him. Now I'm really confused, but I don't care about what he says anymore it's all about what he does from this point on.

J.R. said:

I'll chime in on this...the age old question.....lol...but I'll try to simplify my viewpoint as best I can....but as your title states it's a RESPECT issue.....not to hip you all to game per se, but this is more like a service advisory.....how you meet him is how you leave him...or whatever attracted you will eventually make you despise him. Simple analogy: if you where attracted to a guy because of his looks, then eventually those looks will eventually make you despise him i.e. him finding other admirers.
But little known to women guys talk about this things. Most women prioritize based on looks, income(security), etc then character and values dead last. When first impressions are made, while you are sizing us up for looks,money and etc, we are also sizing you up for values, reasoning skills, wifey qualities, etc. Now the key is if you are attractive we still will mess with you but will have NO RESPECT FOR YOU because of what you value. This will gradually be exposed in instances like the aforementioned. Little known fact to women most guys have this duality built in, meaning a shitty dude will not necessarily be that way all the time, it may just be specific to you because of his respect level. This is the reason why girls get left for seemingly "lesser broads" but in reality she is deemed a better value for various other reasons. Again this is not always the case, but mostly. Upon meeting a new chick, I try to determine why she may be interested in me and her past history of men(really what kind of losers) she has dated in the past to determine to see how I'm gonna play it. If she tells me her last man was a loser, baby daddy, cheated on her etc, I'm going to judge her for being a bird brained broad because she is taking the victim role because she allowed it in the past. So why would I be "captain save a hoe" and wife a broad that obviously had dudes in the recent past doing anything goes.This is the same reason why dudes wife white women and homely broads instead of the video vixens and etc. No dude wants to be that guy who wifes the bimbo and sports her.

So to answer your question I would say although you may consider yourself "good" you may not be viewed in that light to him. It could be a matter of you being too demanding as far as expectations, that is also very unattractive to a man in a long term relationship. Some men are inspired by women like that and some men just rather have women take them at face value. In my recent past I have had to "dumb" down to meet potential women and seem less complex. Things like being well dressed and having nice things make woman view you in such a different light. IMHO it has always to been better to be more humble build up. Matter of fact if you are an attractive man and have house, car, nice career it is way harder to take women seriously. Women are programmed now to seek out those raggedy dudes in need of repair, I have pulled about 10times more women in my hyundai than I have in my mercedes.

Again disclaimers, if I offended anyone it was unintentional but hey the truth hurts and this is the internet so take it in stride. Any specific questions or comments I would be happy to answer one on one for clarity if time permits.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by JustMe on September 8, 2010 at 1:49pm

great insight...

J.R. said:

I'll chime in on this...the age old question.....lol...but I'll try to simplify my viewpoint as best I can....but as your title states it's a RESPECT issue.....not to hip you all to game per se, but this is more like a service advisory.....how you meet him is how you leave him...or whatever attracted you will eventually make you despise him. Simple analogy: if you where attracted to a guy because of his looks, then eventually those looks will eventually make you despise him i.e. him finding other admirers.
But little known to women guys talk about this things. Most women prioritize based on looks, income(security), etc then character and values dead last. When first impressions are made, while you are sizing us up for looks,money and etc, we are also sizing you up for values, reasoning skills, wifey qualities, etc. Now the key is if you are attractive we still will mess with you but will have NO RESPECT FOR YOU because of what you value. This will gradually be exposed in instances like the aforementioned. Little known fact to women most guys have this duality built in, meaning a shitty dude will not necessarily be that way all the time, it may just be specific to you because of his respect level. This is the reason why girls get left for seemingly "lesser broads" but in reality she is deemed a better value for various other reasons. Again this is not always the case, but mostly. Upon meeting a new chick, I try to determine why she may be interested in me and her past history of men(really what kind of losers) she has dated in the past to determine to see how I'm gonna play it. If she tells me her last man was a loser, baby daddy, cheated on her etc, I'm going to judge her for being a bird brained broad because she is taking the victim role because she allowed it in the past. So why would I be "captain save a hoe" and wife a broad that obviously had dudes in the recent past doing anything goes.This is the same reason why dudes wife white women and homely broads instead of the video vixens and etc. No dude wants to be that guy who wifes the bimbo and sports her.

So to answer your question I would say although you may consider yourself "good" you may not be viewed in that light to him. It could be a matter of you being too demanding as far as expectations, that is also very unattractive to a man in a long term relationship. Some men are inspired by women like that and some men just rather have women take them at face value. In my recent past I have had to "dumb" down to meet potential women and seem less complex. Things like being well dressed and having nice things make woman view you in such a different light. IMHO it has always to been better to be more humble build up. Matter of fact if you are an attractive man and have house, car, nice career it is way harder to take women seriously. Women are programmed now to seek out those raggedy dudes in need of repair, I have pulled about 10times more women in my hyundai than I have in my mercedes.

Again disclaimers, if I offended anyone it was unintentional but hey the truth hurts and this is the internet so take it in stride. Any specific questions or comments I would be happy to answer one on one for clarity if time permits.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Siren on September 8, 2010 at 1:50pm

You have already set the precedent..you cant go back and change now...Once you accept him BS and all you can not expect hm to stop because you want to. If you do not demand the respect from the door and establish the ground rules first you can hang it up! The answers are all in front of you ...you seem to want to keep on asking until you get the answer you want. The writing is on the wall...leave him alone until you find soemone who will calue the way you want...but be sure that you are valuing yourself FIRST!nogroupiehere said:

Well put, so because I believe I am entitled to respect in my current screwed up relationship he may not like it? But yet complains about how women would open their legs to a man without knowing anything about him. Now I'm really confused, but I don't care about what he says anymore it's all about what he does from this point on.
J.R. said:

I'll chime in on this...the age old question.....lol...but I'll try to simplify my viewpoint as best I can....but as your title states it's a RESPECT issue.....not to hip you all to game per se, but this is more like a service advisory.....how you meet him is how you leave him...or whatever attracted you will eventually make you despise him. Simple analogy: if you where attracted to a guy because of his looks, then eventually those looks will eventually make you despise him i.e. him finding other admirers. But little known to women guys talk about this things. Most women prioritize based on looks, income(security), etc then character and values dead last. When first impressions are made, while you are sizing us up for looks,money and etc, we are also sizing you up for values, reasoning skills, wifey qualities, etc. Now the key is if you are attractive we still will mess with you but will have NO RESPECT FOR YOU because of what you value. This will gradually be exposed in instances like the aforementioned. Little known fact to women most guys have this duality built in, meaning a shitty dude will not necessarily be that way all the time, it may just be specific to you because of his respect level. This is the reason why girls get left for seemingly "lesser broads" but in reality she is deemed a better value for various other reasons. Again this is not always the case, but mostly. Upon meeting a new chick, I try to determine why she may be interested in me and her past history of men(really what kind of losers) she has dated in the past to determine to see how I'm gonna play it. If she tells me her last man was a loser, baby daddy, cheated on her etc, I'm going to judge her for being a bird brained broad because she is taking the victim role because she allowed it in the past. So why would I be "captain save a hoe" and wife a broad that obviously had dudes in the recent past doing anything goes.This is the same reason why dudes wife white women and homely broads instead of the video vixens and etc. No dude wants to be that guy who wifes the bimbo and sports her.

So to answer your question I would say although you may consider yourself "good" you may not be viewed in that light to him. It could be a matter of you being too demanding as far as expectations, that is also very unattractive to a man in a long term relationship. Some men are inspired by women like that and some men just rather have women take them at face value. In my recent past I have had to "dumb" down to meet potential women and seem less complex. Things like being well dressed and having nice things make woman view you in such a different light. IMHO it has always to been better to be more humble build up. Matter of fact if you are an attractive man and have house, car, nice career it is way harder to take women seriously. Women are programmed now to seek out those raggedy dudes in need of repair, I have pulled about 10times more women in my hyundai than I have in my mercedes.

Again disclaimers, if I offended anyone it was unintentional but hey the truth hurts and this is the internet so take it in stride. Any specific questions or comments I would be happy to answer one on one for clarity if time permits.

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