Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on July 10, 2012 at 8:06am

I completely agree with that. A man’s ego is so important. Another thing to add is no nagging! I do not you should bring up things in a relationship that don’t have a solution and mention something just to argue about I see a lot women (mostly black women) who nag and complain all the time to their man like it’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feeling, but there is no need to constantly complain. We differ because I believe that being a wife and a mother my number focus is first God and then my family. I want to take care of my man, if he is a provider and my job is the home, then there’s no reason for him to iron and have to clean up. I would like a little cooking (because I don’t use a grill or fry any food) so on nights when we decide to do that that will be his part.

I completely feel you on being tired of figuring out everything on your on own. It gets so exhausting, but with you being a real woman, I’m sure it won’t take long until a real man sweeps you off your feet!

Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't think anyone is saying that if you submit to a man, then your mind is not being respected. Most of the married women will tell you that submission is essential. IMO it's not this big ugly "obedient" thing, it's simply protecting your man's ego. It's riding for an extra hour on the road trip cuz he KNOWS his way is faster than your short cut; not making a big deal about little stuff. It's realizing that it's not always about you. It's giving for no other reason than because you want to. Make no mistake, I EXPECT him to iron his own clothes, cook and clean up sometimes too. Submission is more than being a maid to a man.

The "provider thing" is what makes me want to submit. I can focus my all on him, because I don't have to think about the daily grind of life through him. I know the essentials are good, so my mind is a lil bit clearer. I don't know about yall, but for me, it's hard figuring out everything on my own; tired of having no one to depend on. So, if a man can/has not (but not limited to) create a firm foundation for himself, surly he can not earn my submission. It's not for everybody.   
DdoubleD said:

I completely agree there is nothing wrong with being a lady and allowing a man be a man.  For instance there are a list of things I don't think my man should ever have to such as laundry, ironing, etc. I will respect my man's mind, but I believe he should respect mind as well.  I believe before marrying someone they MUST be able to be a provider.  That does not mean I will not work but I have the option to not work. 

 

I don't think of submissve as being bad but when I looked up the definition and see obediate, I don't see myself using an adj that I use on my dog to label myself
Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by Phoenix on July 10, 2012 at 10:47am

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?


DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 

Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!!
Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by maxwells_musze on July 10, 2012 at 12:19pm

Indeed. (c) Omar from the Wire

 

Not only do they say it in the vows but its in the bible. Of course many of us pick and choose what we want and/or follow out of the bible. The obedience part of the vows is so offputting to so many women. Hell, the previous poster had it right - it sounds like something you'd expect from a dog. I suppose its all in how you view the word and view the head of your household. In a perfect world, we'd like to think of this marriage thing as a complete partnership but in many/most partnerships even one of them has the upperhand (51%/49%).

 

The words submissive and obedient don't have to mean a doormat maid. A lot of submitting and obedience comes with TRUST. Its not necessarily your husband saying ...."And have the damn dishes done every day before 7pm". If you have a partner in whom you trust knows how to make sound decisions, then its trusting that person to act in the best interest of your unit and on your behalf. And I'm saying this as someone who has plenty of holes in my tongue from biting it. Some of these comments make it sound like you have tiptoe around a man's ego and not speak your mind or be a contributing decision-maker as a woman ever.

 

Speaking your mind, intelligently and logically without nagging is not distinct to only men. Being submissive doesn't mean you no longer have a working tongue or mind. It means you pick your battles very wisely. IMHO. Also, show me a woman who never nags... we can't help ourselves. I don't like admitting it but I'm sure I've nagged before in my time. 

Phoenix said:

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?

DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 
Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by Phoenix on July 10, 2012 at 12:25pm

+1

maxwells_musze said:

Indeed. (c) Omar from the Wire

 

Not only do they say it in the vows but its in the bible. Of course many of us pick and choose what we want and/or follow out of the bible. The obedience part of the vows is so offputting to so many women. Hell, the previous poster had it right - it sounds like something you'd expect from a dog. I suppose its all in how you view the word and view the head of your household. In a perfect world, we'd like to think of this marriage thing as a complete partnership but in many/most partnerships even one of them has the upperhand (51%/49%).

 

The words submissive and obedient don't have to mean a doormat maid. A lot of submitting and obedience comes with TRUST. Its not necessarily your husband saying ...."And have the damn dishes done every day before 7pm". If you have a partner in whom you trust knows how to make sound decisions, then its trusting that person to act in the best interest of your unit and on your behalf. And I'm saying this as someone who has plenty of holes in my tongue from biting it. Some of these comments make it sound like you have tiptoe around a man's ego and not speak your mind or be a contributing decision-maker as a woman ever.

 

Speaking your mind, intelligently and logically without nagging is not distinct to only men. Being submissive doesn't mean you no longer have a working tongue or mind. It means you pick your battles very wisely. IMHO. Also, show me a woman who never nags... we can't help ourselves. I don't like admitting it but I'm sure I've nagged before in my time. 

Phoenix said:

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?

DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 
Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on July 10, 2012 at 1:12pm

Sometimes a man knows exactly how his actions on women are being affected, it's the women who complain and nag ANC beat themselves over their head with their self esteem issues. As a woman with high self esteem I hate myself hate nagging women. They usually complain and cry and talk about this and that but never work on themselves until it's too late.

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Permalink Reply by Siren on July 10, 2012 at 1:13pm

YASSSS HONAY! You better tell em MRS. Musze!

maxwells_musze said:

Indeed. (c) Omar from the Wire

 

Not only do they say it in the vows but its in the bible. Of course many of us pick and choose what we want and/or follow out of the bible. The obedience part of the vows is so offputting to so many women. Hell, the previous poster had it right - it sounds like something you'd expect from a dog. I suppose its all in how you view the word and view the head of your household. In a perfect world, we'd like to think of this marriage thing as a complete partnership but in many/most partnerships even one of them has the upperhand (51%/49%).

 

The words submissive and obedient don't have to mean a doormat maid. A lot of submitting and obedience comes with TRUST. Its not necessarily your husband saying ...."And have the damn dishes done every day before 7pm". If you have a partner in whom you trust knows how to make sound decisions, then its trusting that person to act in the best interest of your unit and on your behalf. And I'm saying this as someone who has plenty of holes in my tongue from biting it. Some of these comments make it sound like you have tiptoe around a man's ego and not speak your mind or be a contributing decision-maker as a woman ever.

 

Speaking your mind, intelligently and logically without nagging is not distinct to only men. Being submissive doesn't mean you no longer have a working tongue or mind. It means you pick your battles very wisely. IMHO. Also, show me a woman who never nags... we can't help ourselves. I don't like admitting it but I'm sure I've nagged before in my time. 

Phoenix said:

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?
DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong?  Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on July 10, 2012 at 1:32pm

I agree with what you saying especially about trust. I still do not like the word obedient to describe how I am to act towards my partner. I will honor, serve, and respect him, but I am and will continue to be an educated woman who has a view. I would expect my partner to take my feelings, wants, and concerns into consideration before a making a decision, but more importantly he should consult with me just out of respect as I would do with him.

I am working on never nagging (hopefully I will be able to accomplish this). I feel if you have a real man who is a protector and provider what could you possibly have to nag about? My grandmother and the wife of the relative who raised me NEVER nagged! It just was not tolerated. Now both of these women have a wonderful and never have to ask for or worry about anything.

 

maxwells_musze said:

Indeed. (c) Omar from the Wire

 

Not only do they say it in the vows but its in the bible. Of course many of us pick and choose what we want and/or follow out of the bible. The obedience part of the vows is so offputting to so many women. Hell, the previous poster had it right - it sounds like something you'd expect from a dog. I suppose its all in how you view the word and view the head of your household. In a perfect world, we'd like to think of this marriage thing as a complete partnership but in many/most partnerships even one of them has the upperhand (51%/49%).

 

The words submissive and obedient don't have to mean a doormat maid. A lot of submitting and obedience comes with TRUST. Its not necessarily your husband saying ...."And have the damn dishes done every day before 7pm". If you have a partner in whom you trust knows how to make sound decisions, then its trusting that person to act in the best interest of your unit and on your behalf. And I'm saying this as someone who has plenty of holes in my tongue from biting it. Some of these comments make it sound like you have tiptoe around a man's ego and not speak your mind or be a contributing decision-maker as a woman ever.

 

Speaking your mind, intelligently and logically without nagging is not distinct to only men. Being submissive doesn't mean you no longer have a working tongue or mind. It means you pick your battles very wisely. IMHO. Also, show me a woman who never nags... we can't help ourselves. I don't like admitting it but I'm sure I've nagged before in my time. 

Phoenix said:

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?
DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong?  Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on July 10, 2012 at 1:37pm

interesting

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by blackfujones on July 10, 2012 at 1:39pm

-well ill be damned....thats all we men look for

maxwells_musze said:

Indeed. (c) Omar from the Wire

 

Not only do they say it in the vows but its in the bible. Of course many of us pick and choose what we want and/or follow out of the bible. The obedience part of the vows is so offputting to so many women. Hell, the previous poster had it right - it sounds like something you'd expect from a dog. I suppose its all in how you view the word and view the head of your household. In a perfect world, we'd like to think of this marriage thing as a complete partnership but in many/most partnerships even one of them has the upperhand (51%/49%).

 

The words submissive and obedient don't have to mean a doormat maid. A lot of submitting and obedience comes with TRUST. Its not necessarily your husband saying ...."And have the damn dishes done every day before 7pm". If you have a partner in whom you trust knows how to make sound decisions, then its trusting that person to act in the best interest of your unit and on your behalf. And I'm saying this as someone who has plenty of holes in my tongue from biting it. Some of these comments make it sound like you have tiptoe around a man's ego and not speak your mind or be a contributing decision-maker as a woman ever.

 

Speaking your mind, intelligently and logically without nagging is not distinct to only men. Being submissive doesn't mean you no longer have a working tongue or mind. It means you pick your battles very wisely. IMHO. Also, show me a woman who never nags... we can't help ourselves. I don't like admitting it but I'm sure I've nagged before in my time. 

Phoenix said:

You know in your vows..during your wedding..they say OBEY right....?

DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 
Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on July 10, 2012 at 1:42pm

puhlease...my woman gets upset if i DONT HAVE THE FINAL SAY IN ALL THE PLANS AND THE DECISIONS. Ultimately she believes I'm the speaker for our relationship.

DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 

Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!!
Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on July 10, 2012 at 1:48pm

Exactly the final say. There is NOTHING wrong with a man having the final say in what goes on.   And if you are a real man you put your families wants and needs before your own.  When a woman knows that her man puts the family first there is no reason for him not to make the decisions.  But out of respect to your woman you at least should tell her what is going on, not make the decision that affects the family and then tell your woman. 
blackfujones said:

puhlease...my woman gets upset if i DONT HAVE THE FINAL SAY IN ALL THE PLANS AND THE DECISIONS. Ultimately she believes I'm the speaker for our relationship.
DdoubleD said:

So you want a woman who expects her man to make every decision and every plan?  To me that sounds crazy.  All my friends thought I was crazy because I believe a man as being a provider and a woman being a home maker.  But this idea of not having any say and obedient just seems a little disrespectful.  Am I reading into this wrong? 
Tone said:

a level headed woman!!!!! Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't mind being labled "submissive" I actually like it. I don't think there is anything wrong with submitting to a man. I actually want to. I think if you chose wisely, there should be no problem in allowing a man to "be the man" and being the lady. You trust his plans, and decisions, you respect his mind. I'd have no problem with it.

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