I spotted this over at Mommy's Dirty Little Secret. I've written a blog about being a side chick so it was really interesting to see a list for the men who have a side chick. Check out the 10 side chick commandments. How do the blogs compare?

Side Chick Commandments by Kasmo Huxtable

10. Show Zero Affection To Her On Social Networking Websites/Apps. (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) Never Make It Public That Ya’ll Messing Around. Keep Her In The Closet Like Tyler Perry & An Old Pair Of Boots. If She Mention You On Twitter Always Reply Via DM Or Text Message. Just Hit Her With The “Why You Writing Me On Twitter If You Have My Number?” Line.

9. Only Give Minimal No Frills Foreplay. Cheek Kisses, Stomach Kisses, Neck Sucking, & Fun Bag Sucking Are All Cool. Do NOT Eat Her Box & Definitely Don’t Eat Her Ass. Once You Go Buffet Mode On Her Vag Pattie You Can’t Call Her Anything Disrespectful & If You Eat Her Ass She Owns 22.4 Percent Of Your Soul For The Next 5 Years. Real Niggas Don’t Love Hoes or Taste Their C**.

8. Never Meet Up With Her Before Midnight. Side Chicks & Smuts Are Similar To Gremlins. You Feed Them or Get Them Wet After Midnight & They Wild The F*** Out. The Perfect Time To Hang Out With A Sidechick or Smut Is 2AM-6AM. If She Come Over Hungry Feed Her. (Diner Food, Deli Sandwich, West Indian Food, Etc.) Side Chicks & Smuts Perform Like Porn Stars On A Full Stomach.

7. Never Let Her Spend The Night. Waking Up At Noon Next To A Chick That You Give Zero F**** About Is The Most Annoying S*** Ever.  Always Provide Cab Money For Her To Go Home. Let Her & Her Swollen Box Sleep In Her Own Comfy Bed. You Don’t Want Her Getting Too Comfortable Plus You Get To Dodge Paying For Breakfast In The AM.

6. Never Introduce Her To Mom Dukes. Never Bring Her To Family Functions. (Weddings, Baby Showers, BBQs, Etc.) Don’t Take Her To The Barber Shop Either. Side Chicks & Smuts Feel Magic Skool Bus Special When You Take Them To The Barber Shop. She Will Instantly Start Thinking “Aww He Really Likes Me” Then She’ll Start Thinking She Can Do Annoying S*** Like Starting Petty Arguments.

5. Never Hit It Raw. Always Have Rubbers On Deck. She Might Be Carrying Around Little Pizza Oven. You Don’t Wanna Wake Up Discharging Guacamole From Your Penis. Even Though A Brooklyn Scientist Has Recently Discovered That Winter Green Alcohol Kills 85.7 Percent of All STDs. Always Use Protection. Plus You Don’t Wanna Risk Getting Her Pregnant. Nothing Is Scarier Than A Missing Period Not Even A Missing Toddler. Playing Dodge Calls With Maury Is Tiring Too.

4. If She Don’t Live In A Cozy Private House Always Make Her Come Visit To You. Leaving Somebody’s Projects At 4:30 In The Morning Is No Fun. It’s Usually At Least 12 Goon Niggas Outside Of Her Building Smoking & Drinking. You Don’t Wanna Get Robbed For “Fronting” aka Walking Pass Them. To Prevent All That Just Take Her To The Crib or A Short Stay Motel. The Charge Is Usually About 50 Bucks For 4 Hours. That’s More Than Enough Time To Bust A Few Nuts.

3. NEVER Take Her Shopping. I Don’t Care If Her Head Game Is Oscar Award Golden. NEVER Take Her Shopping. I Don’t Care If She Can Suck The Nuts Clean Off A PayDay Bar. NEVER Take her Shopping. Only Buy Her Food, Liquor, & Cab Rides. If You Buying Her Shoes, Clothes, & Giving Her Weave Money You Might As Well Make Her Your Boo.

2. The 50 Flavors Of Bacardi. It’s The Cheapest Dope Liquor. Always Have Some Flavored Bacardi On Deck For Her. It Get The Freaks Open After About 3 Nice Size Cups. You’re Wasting Money Buying Ciroc To “Fake Watch” A Movie At Home. Bacardi Will Only Cost You 16.99 & It Hit Heads Harder Than Young Tyson.  Give A Chick “Coco Broko” aka Barcardi Coco & Pineapple Juice & She’ll Blow You Better Than Lisa Simpson Does Her Trumpet. Also Svedka aka Grey Pigeon Mixed With Tropicana Juice Works Too.

1. Never Tell Her “I LOVE YOU” Especially During Pillow Talk. NEVER

What do we think of this list?

Views: 3223

Comment by Sheli on August 9, 2012 at 11:47am

HI-FREAKIN-LARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the point where I started HOLLERING --------> Don’t Take Her To The Barber Shop Either. Side Chicks & Smuts Feel Magic Skool Bus Special When You Take Them To The Barber Shop.

Comment by blackfujones on August 9, 2012 at 11:50am

@ready

old ciroc bottle pour the garbage liquor in it....hood booga females dont know the difference..

Comment by Love is a Losing Game on August 9, 2012 at 12:11pm

The whole thing is a mess, but this right here.....

I Don’t Care If She Can Suck The Nuts Clean Off A PayDay Bar....had me dying!

Comment by maxwells_musze on August 9, 2012 at 12:44pm

amber is smirnoff i believe.

 

this reminds me of big pimpin: take em out the hood, keep em looking good but i don't f***** feed em. turrible!

Comment by l8dy-c on August 9, 2012 at 2:40pm
Damn this is my single attitude 100%.I always had my list of do's and don'ts and no matter what. I didn't want to come off as cold and rejecting but I knew how to play that role to the "t". I always thought it was a wonderful gift, it was like I was allow them to be themselves.
Comment by SoLuscious on August 9, 2012 at 4:46pm

call me crazy but i think mimi is the side chick. but because she has a baby by him she thinks shes the main chick.

Comment by Bonita on August 9, 2012 at 5:09pm

this list is funny..lol! I strongly lived by no sleep overs or dates for fubu situations. Some duded couldn't believe it.  

Comment by BlackSnakeMoan on August 9, 2012 at 5:49pm

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Comment by PeachSoda_ on August 9, 2012 at 8:47pm

I THINK this man is all the way one-hunnit... i've played the side-chick and the main chick and I KNOW! if my nigga say I'm his main attraction then he BETTER b treatin dese hoes accordingly. j/s.. these hoes get outta line soon as they feel comfortable.

Comment by marissa taylor on August 10, 2012 at 12:40am

@old $pice pine needle .... I agree West Indian food is good ... Hella Rude ! ...But the rest of this s*** ... was 2 funny ...And u know he got to tell the side chick he Loves her ... u know what it is lol

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