Anatomy of a Groupie

Hey yall,

I saw this article on Jemele Hill.com. I love her!!! She works for ESPN. She worked hard to get to where she is now and she knows her damn sports. I love her point of view on topics. To show support of this sista, I posted on of her blogs below.


Oct 14th, 2008

I'm a people watcher. I like sizing people up and imagining personalities and tendencies. I like dissecting body language. I like figuring out what makes people tick from a glimpse. One of my favorite places to watch people is at da club. It's fascinating to see the power clicks form in a club. The Too Cool To Be Touched women on this side of the room. The Fake Ballers on that side. The Look But Don't Touch Celebrities up top. A friend and I used to go to a bar or club and play this game called, How Low Would You Go? I'd pick out women and within 10 seconds my boy had to decide whether or not he'd sleep with her. When you play this game, you can't just pick out someone who is really cute or even fairly disturbing. It has to be someone borderline. Someone, who after five or six Patrons, you'd have to make a serious executive decision. Maybe he or she has a killer body, but they've got a food stamp face. Maybe she's got a cute face, but rusty knees and elbows. These are the real dilemmas of life. The gray areas.


Last night, I went to New York to hang a bit and got the supreme people-watching experience -- Groupies V. Athletes. Nothing is more entertaining than groupies jockeying for position with athletes at da club. It's so comical. It's so grimy. It's so fun. Sure, on some level I'm embarrassed for all women when I see these broads -- and yes, under these circumstances they are broads -- engaging in the ridiculous pursuit of a player. But it's kind of like watching one of those nature shows with lions or other predatory animals. You know what will eventually happen, but analyzing the chase is the captivating part. Anyway, I was shooting the shit with an ex-NFL player and as we were talking, it was hilarious to see the lengths the broads went to get his attention. This one chick pretty much grabbed her ankles and did a dance I think I last saw in Nelly's "Tip Drill." Of course, many of these broads were running the "Oh, you're a professional athlete? I didn't know" game. I wish athletes still weren't falling for that, but trust me, they are. As always, I remain impressed by the sheer volume of women that bombard professional athletes. Last night, they came in waves, like tacklers that swarm the running back. Tall. Short. Long hair. Short hair. Petite. Voluptious. Light skinned. Dark skinned. White. Asian. Latino.

Of all the athletes that were there, I think only one was married (not that it mattered), but it reaffirmed my belief that very few professional athletes have the conviction or fortitude to be faithful. I'm sure some have done it, but if I had to guess, I'd say less than 10 percent of players in every major sport are faithful. Most men are only as faithful as their options. It's one thing to turn down a woman every few months, or even every couple of days. But 45 women in 20 minutes? That's just ig'nant. Can't be done. At some point, the resolve weakens. This one former NFL player who hasn't played in the league in four seasons had six or seven different girls surrounding him every 15-20 minutes. Impressive. Upset of the night: There were several NBA guys there and I'll be honest, they could not compete with the football guys. From my experience, this doesn't typically happen. NBA guys, by far, have a deeper groupie pool. They're more recognizable. Their money is guaranteed. It's a rarity for a NFL dude to have a $100 million contract or make that kind of money over the course of a career. Meanwhile, half the NBA has made 100 mil.

So I consider it a huge upset that the football guys were hogging all chicks. Maybe it's because the NFL guys had reserved tables, and therefore unlimited alcohol. Nothing is more of a broad magnet than free drinks. Or the chance to sit down 'cause the stilettos the broad has been wearing all night are annihilating her feet.
Or it could be that the NBA players not generating a whole lot of juice were the New York Knicks. Team is so bad even the groupies are passing them up.