LET A MAN BE A MAN???

Comment by Honeycoated on September 1, 2009 at 10:26pm

with that last quote, most women of other races grow up in a different type of households than most black women. They grow up with BOTH parents in the house hold. Most other cultures are more family oriented ,they get married and STAY married, they grow up watching examples of how to compromise and they watched their father be a leader. Us, on the other hand, grew up without a father or if we saw him, we saw him doing all kinds of stuff he shouldnt be doing or he was in jail.

Comment by Boss/MadamBA on September 1, 2009 at 10:34pm

I grew up with both parents..and my parents are still together @honeycoated
Any other reasons for that comment?

Comment by OfficialGroupie on September 1, 2009 at 11:29pm

co sign with bag. i dont mind a man taking the lead but some will lead your ass into darkness. no thank you!! i'll pass!!! i dont wanna wear the pants in the relationship. i wanna wear a cute lil mini skirt with stripper heels!!! i can fall back and let him drive but he better know where the fuck he is going. or imma have to get in the driver seat and drive. these days there are way too many black men that are not like the men of the 50s and 60s. they just dont make them like that anymore. the dynamics have changed. so that shit is just not gonna happen nowadays. if it does, it'll be one in a million. we just gotta accept it and make the best of the situation. and teach our young males how to be men!!!

Comment by Hotter on September 1, 2009 at 11:54pm

OG You aint lyin! I dont even like wearing pants! I perfer a dress or skirt, gimme some cute pumps or sandals and its on. I want my man to drive the car! But if you dont know where we goin, and start strattling the lanes then dammit gimme the keys, im taking over!

Comment by sierramist on September 2, 2009 at 12:33am

I have seen this so many times among my family and friends. It kinda pisses me off when a woman is sooo independent that she refuses to compromise, but be the first one out there chasing a relationship.

Comment by Goldie Fish on September 2, 2009 at 2:45am

could it be a YSL sequin jumpsuit instead. lol

I know this is off topic but my mother never talked to me about money and what to wear. Everything I do now is from my own research and personal drive to succeed.
I'm not good with money at all so I wish someone (real talk) would take me aside and discuss stocks, bonds, savings, cds, a portfolio, and all that good stuff and part of that is something I need to take the initiative to ask about.

So I don't expect my man to kno these things (we're young) but I know that if I'm hungry for this knowledge, then he needs to be just as hungry, if not more. I want a firm foundation for my children so when they grow up they know what it's like to be in a healthy black family .


I say that to say, it doesn't matter where he came from, it matters where he's going. I know plenty of great guys from horrible families that try to do well. They may not have the proper guidance but they are certainly looking for the answers. A man with potential is the type of man a woman can settle down and let be a man, because he has the license to be behind the wheel.


BTW ladies, if you ever feel like hooking a lil one up with some blogs or books on money and financial growth, pls do not hesitate to drop those bombs. I'll welcome it with open arms

Comment by Honeycoated on September 2, 2009 at 11:09am

@ Boss, I was refering to the author's statement that women of other races let a man be a man and the reason why is because they mostly grow up with both parents in the household, their friends grew up with both parents in the household, etc. That's great that your parents are still together, but that is not the majority of black families. Like california said on page 1, most black men dont know how to lead. I watched the "movie" Diary of a Tired Black Man. It was coming from the p.o.v of a man that does EVERYTHING right and the woman does nothing but have an attitude and jap out on him every chance she gets. That's not realistic because, although there are some men out there that are good men and the woman has an attitude, that is the EXCEPTION rather than the rule. If a woman is always jappin out on her man, and not letting him lead, there is a reason for it.

Comment by Honeycoated on September 2, 2009 at 11:54am

when i read sister souljah's book Midnight, (from Coldest WInter Ever)it was from his point of view and about him coming from Sudan and how men are towards their family and and their women. once he got here, he was like WTF?? (paraphrasing lol) I read that book and was like man, let me get a Sudanese man!

Comment by Tab on September 2, 2009 at 12:05pm

That's what I mean by our culture being forgotten and watered down. It's a right of passage in Africa. They literally practice"It takes a village to raise a child" That's why they seem well rounded. They have several mothers,fathers and brothers... I wish that wasn't taking away from us. Or DNA is different from whites, so it's basically impossible to function the "right" way. We are going through the motions as productive black citizens, but there is so much to this,,,Essence better dig deeper and start connecting the dots.

Comment by Sheli on September 2, 2009 at 12:41pm

When a man proves, through his actions, his words, and with his mind, that he is capable of being a man and leading, then I'm sure, the correct woman will not have a problem letting him lead. I can only speak for me, butI've never belittled my man or done anything to intentionally strip him of his man hood, but when I feel that he isn't carrying his weigh or when he's no longer worthy of following, then yes, I take lead (and probably leave his ass behind). Why in the hell would I allow someone to lead me down a wrong way street all for the sake of "letting him be a man". So many men want to wear the title and be treated as Men, Leaders, & Kings, yet they are reluctant to take the necessary steps to become on for fear of getting their pride or ego bruised.

Men aren't cut from the same cloth as his father....In today's socitey these are some of the men women have the option of following....the man who threw his child from the car b/c he didn't want to pay child support, the man who has damn near 28 kids for some unknown reason, the successful mogul who is damn near 45 has 3 babymothers, but has never once considered marrying one of them, the congressman who was doing drugs and having an affair on his wife of 20 years...need I go on?

Also I wonder what type of women, the author has dated? Maybe the real issue is that he doesn't want to strong woman or an equal, he wants a damn lap dog. Why must it always be the woman who has to compromise, men need to understand that sometimes their wasy just doesn't work, its as simple as that.

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