How to Land a Baller--Part I

Hey yall,

I know many of you are still looking for a baller. For some of you, it’s a goal of yours to hit the jackpot!! If that’s you, then read on! You are trying like a bat out of hell to land that baller you’ve been eyeing. But, “Houston, we have a problem.” The techniques that you’re using are not working. You’ve read articles on Baller Alert to help you and still… no luck. You’ve tried the pointers but still…no come up. So, you’re asking yourself, “what else can I do to land a baller?” You’ve read the success stories of random chicks landing ballers and you ask yourself, “what am I doing wrong?” Well ladies, if you have tried it all and you’re still at ground zero, you may want to take a different route.

I’ve been noticing some things lately. It’s always been there but I’ve never really payed any attention to it….until recently. I know yall can relate to the following situations…..

I. You read an article about “Professional Athlete Joe” dating “Skank Ass Carla”. The first thing out of your mouth is, “He so dumb! He is stooopid! Why his is dating her?”

II. You read another article about “Professional Athlete Jack” smoking weed/hiring a hitman/driving on a motorcycle with 3 loaded guns/drinking and driving/shooting himself/killing dogs/driving 60mph in a school zone/carrying a loaded weapon to the courthouse where he is appearing in front of the judge for unlawfully carrying a loaded weapon on an airplane/etc. (Ok, I made up the last few. But please feel free to add others. There are just soooo many to name!!!!). All you can say is “Dumbass! Who is that stupid?!”

Well ladies, I know it may be a bit shocking for me to advise, but this is the EXACT type of baller you wanna date!! See, the smarter ones are on to your gold digging groupie ass. The smart ones can smell your money-hungry ass a mile away. They know your game and your next move. You’re in a no-win situation. I know you want a man who can have an intelligent conversation with you. You really want someone who can philosophize about Newton’s Laws of Motion. Preferably, Sexy + Smart = Ideal Man. But those mofos are on to you!!!

So, you need to switch your game up. You might want to go after the dumb ones. You know the ones that can barely speak well in an interview. Yes, bitch, him! Write his name down. Google him! Start to focus on the ones who have criminal records, many baby mommas and plenty of kids, and have “advisors” (i.e. cousins/homeboys that handle their business/money). They’ll be easy to recognize cause they always look “lost” and “slow”. He barely makes eye contact. He got a short attention span and easily gets distracted. He gotta think about the words he wanna use before he speaks and still mispronounce the words. He does stupid/dumb shit right in front of you. Yeah, him!

See, they are not that bright. You can run all sorts of game on them and they would have no idea. They are not smart enough to catch on to your motives. They have noooo clue!!! Many broads have been sleeping on these dudes and passing them up cause their dumbness is unattractive to them. Because of that, ladies, there are plenty of dumb ass jocks to choose from!!

In conclusion, if you really wanna land you a baller and the things you’re doing are not working, change lanes!!! Exit left! Go after the dumb ones! They will never see you coming ANYWAYS!

Disclaimer: For the ones who can land a baller, this article is NOT for you. So, don’t reply and post shit like, “I didn’t have to do all that to get my baller.” Bitch, I aint talking to you! This is for the ones who

1) really want to land a baller & will try anything to get him and

2) need extra help.

They’ve have tried it all and they need something else to help them.


Next week blog: How to Land a Baller—Part II