Comment by luvsmoochez on March 16, 2011 at 2:45pm

I don't know about that line....if a man isnt ready to commit he just isnt ready. Men are different than we are in that they decide they want a wife then they find a woman and make her a wife. He is in a relationship state of mind. Sometimes we as women find a man then we want him to be our husband, but is that what he signed up for? Women expect men to change and men expect women to stay the same. We see things very differently at time. A man will let you know what he wants from jump. You just have to really be open to listen and accepting that. I dont think you can change someone's mind. Keep it moving until you find someone that meets you where you are. Each person decides what their time is worth.

Comment by Ms. KissyFace on March 16, 2011 at 3:10pm

If you two are young and in college 4 years. If you are older than 25 then 2 years tops and that includes 1 year of engagement. Any longer than that he is wasting your time and enjoying all the efforts of you playing wife while he waits for his "real wife" to come along.

Comment by Creative Bee on March 16, 2011 at 3:58pm

when i was younger and in college, i didn't want to get married but i had an idea when i want to get married, so before it was fun and i don't care. Now i ask from the start where his head at and if i hear response "i don't know, i go with the flow', this dude goes to friends zone straight.

Comment by SpelGirlC04 on March 16, 2011 at 5:06pm

Thanks for all the comments ladies. I think this is why I wrote a response to his statement. I feel that the statement could be misleading and cause someone to waste their time waiting on a commitment that won't ever come. @luvsmoochez I agree with you about being open to listen to what he wants men are very upfront even if its not in a forthcoming way they do let you know in the beginning where you stand. @creativebee I sooooo agree about the friend zone if I know that we are on different wave lengths. @ms.kissyface, I agree with you about the time frame after a few years time is wasted but I also think getting out sooner is appropriate if there is no talk of a future.

Comment by scmami on March 17, 2011 at 1:09am

I think if a man is a good man he will claim you and give you girlfriend status after awhile of getting to know each other. After that, let things play themselves out. Either yall end up married with kids or things don't work out and you both move on. However, there are key elements to this that people are missing and getting tripped up on. If he NEVER claims you, what the hell are you waiting on??? He is not a good man (in my book), he lets you know without spelling it out for you that you are not the one, ever, in his eyes. Example: I have been seeing a guy for a few months, no real status but seeing each other on a consistent basis. After 4 months, I let him know that either he claims me or I will be moving on. He gave me the usual about letting things flow as they may and not to pressure him. I stayed firm and said well I am letting you know where I stand and how things will progress (or not progress in this case) if he didn't make a decision. Well, 1 week later he asked me to be his gf. After you have a status with your man, then both of you have an understanding that should be based in trust and fidelity. Once, any of those have been broken, then you shouldn't stay with that person anymore and move on. (easier said than done of course, but in reality what relationships are really worth staying in after trust has been lost and has to be re-earned? I know there are confounding issues that press someone to stay but seriously at the end of day you wont be as happy as you were when there was that initial trust.)

 

Now if you guys are happy and the status hasnt been questioned dont stress. Marriage is just an affirmation of what you already know and if you are comfortable in the relationship then it really doesn't matter if you have a marriage certificate to prove it. Get married or stay bf/gf for ever, either way I think the biggest thing is trust and fidelity...everything else is negligible.

 

(sorry for the long response...been doing some soul searching)

Comment by JustMe on March 18, 2011 at 12:12am

LOVE IT

 

I'm pretty sure that it was here, but its been said that white women have a better success rate with marriage because they date more... and I am finding that to be true... and its also the reason why we put up with so much crap in relationships that really were never going anywhere from the start... IMO there is a difference in a guy that is just going with the flow and a guy that is just looking to hit... NOBODY wants to get married; yet, everyone wants to get married...

I have heard of people saying I knew I was gonna marry so-n-so the moment I laid eyes on them... and while that may be music to a womans ears, its really not realistic... or even healthy... Men are hunters by nature... they want to chase and one day possess you ideally... but some of us (and them) just aint worth the hassle... So when I hear I'm just going with the flow, I interpret it as "if you gonna let me hit tonight, I will... if not, cool. "

Every dude is not for you... and sometimes we get impatient and force the issue, and in doing so we lose the person that was actually the one, and end up with the one that is actually a big ole HECK NO!!!!! (I could write a book about it...)

In my circle of friends/associates/relatives I have noticed that 99% of the "bad behavior" in males was there waaaaaaay before they got married, had babies, moved in together etc. Then I started analyzing the relationships, how long did they know the person before things got serious... who wanted to get married... I mean, did he actually get down on one knee and propose or did they just go get married on a whim (hangs head in shame)...

I think Emily B and other chicks like her let the phrase "let a man be a man" mean something other than what it really means... True men are going to run around until they get tired of it, but even the whorish man knows and can admit where home is... here are boundaries that can not / will not be crossed... i.e. Nelly, while he just started claiming Ashanti in the last couple of days, everyone knew they were together... and if he was doing any hooking, it was never in the public eye... another case in point... T.I. there were times when he openly did other things (Lauren London, Hoopz) but regardless of what they were doing privately, at those times he and Tiny were "broken up" publicly... I mean we can go on and on about known cheaters, but the Emily Fab thing is just a whole nother animal... I mean yeah, everyone knew about the baby, but... everyone also knew about him & the Cheetah Girl...

 

At the end of the day... you know early on if the dude is worth waiting for...

 

 

 

Comment by JustMe on March 18, 2011 at 12:13am

@ Goldie, some women don't love themselves enough yet to be alone...

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