JOINING HAS ITS PRIVILEGES
LISTENING TO BLACK MEN - MARRY YOUR BABY DADDY
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Maryann Reid
Author, Founder Marry Your Baby Daddy Day
Last night, I heard the words “black men are intimidated by black women”. I cringed. Again, the same words, the same victim, and the same problem. When will black women stop blaming others for their single status or lack of a good quality man in their life?
I started Marry Your Baby Daddy Day as a spin-off from my book Marry Your Baby Daddy (St. Martins Press) as a way to bridge the gap between black men and women. It was my small way of getting black women to take a more proactive role in their life than a reactive one. I interviewed almost a thousand black women in my quest to find out why they were in relationships with men who had no interest in marrying them. It all was the same. “I didn’t think he wanted to get married to me” was a common theme. When I turned around and asked their black male partners why this was so, they told me they didn’t think she really cared about it. And maybe she didn’t.
Too many black women are dropping the ball. Whether it can be described as resignation or frustration over the lower marriage rates, many black women are not communicating to men what their needs are and to potential partners what they want. It’s not the crime, lack of education or jobs that is keeping black men and women apart. This is a worn out, tired excuse from 1989. Today, it is simply that black women don’t feel that they are good enough, smart enough, sexy enough or even desirable enough to be married.
When I see the looks on the faces of the brides and grooms, I know that they are embarking on just another journey together. There is a relief in her eyes and there is a smile in his. But nothing steals the moment more than the look on the faces of the children who can finally feel that not that daddy stayed, but that mommy asked for something more than just a live-in, but she asked for something that she never thought could happen or she could have a man do, and that is commit his life to her and her family.
Black men want to marry black women, but black women just have to sit down, listen, and realize that the problem is not always outside of them, but inside. Until black women can heal their low self-esteem and defeatist attitudes about dating, black men will continue stay in the midst of their own confusion about what black women want. Like the saying goes, if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy”.
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Tags: baby, black, daddy, day, listening, marry, men, to, your
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Comment by C.J. on July 26, 2008 at 9:11pm -
I just don't think that women have enough nerve and/or will power. "I can't afford to leave", " He just needs some time","We've talked about"....whatever. If you've been with this man for years, you're producing children and playing house sign the papers and take your vows.
I hate to hear people say "It's just a piece of paper" well, why are you so scared to sign it? What's really scary is the alimony that comes after it. When really if she plays her cards right he/she can still HIT YOUR POCKETS any damn way...
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Comment by Honeybrownshug on July 26, 2008 at 10:25pm - I agree with Marryann Reid's comment.
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I'm going to start with the samplers.
People air too much of their business on twitter. I want to be in PR, so twitter is a good look for me in the sense of it's the new hype media tool. And, it was fun when I lived out of town away from my friends as a way for us to keep up with each o…
I believe their stories, however, I don't believe they were in grad school.
take that anger out on someone bust them in the mouth......lol..no dont do that, just say what u feel in a really polite way, but make sure they catch the drift
he look a lil slow
LOL wowww @ "I thought we really had a connection here"
@RISSE I'm hoping they were actresses
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