From Beyonce and Jay-Z to Barack and Michelle Obama, all couples are sure to face days when their relationship isn’t chock full of rainbows, unicorns, and fairies sprinkling magical pixie dust about as they gleefully float on the wings of love. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. While the highs of love are indeed wondrous, it’s the average “ho-hum” days that truly test and define the mettle of a union.
Let’ face a reality right now: Anyone can stay dedicated during the best of times. But what about the other days … the days when you certainly love one another, but don’t necessarily feel like being in their presence? And let’s not forget the days when you become so disenchanted that you begin to reminisce on the single days of yesteryear. It usually happens on days such as these, when one of you makes a questionable statement which incites an angry response from the other person. I call these “relationship misstatements,” and today I’d like to discuss two of the more prevalent ones. Let’s tackle the men first.
I’ve never been a fan of this word, but on occasion some men have the unfortunate tendency to say “huh” when faced with a question they aren’t fully prepared to promptly answer. Perhaps we as men possess some undiscovered faulty genetic flaw which causes temporary hearing loss when faced with questions like “Where have you been?” and “Where are you going?” Who knows the true cause of this troubling response. What I do know is this. No matter your level of innocence, by answering her questions in this manner, all you end up doing is raising a cloud of suspicion over you, which will in turn force her to examine your future actions more closely. (Her threat level will rise from yellow to orange.)
You may have been telling the truth. You actually could have been going to help your boy Tony resurface his driveway. But now that you’ve offered such a weak response, you’ve opened up the door to a possible decrease in the level of trust in your relationship.
“I didn’t think that needed to be said.”
For the past 10 years, I’ve embarked on a covert mission to unearth a copy of the Female Code of Conduct, or as many of my male counterparts like to label it, the FCC. (My uncle Lonnie seems to thinks that stands for ‘Freaking Crazy Chicks,’ but I won’t go there with him.) In any event, my primary reason for wanting to read this instruction manual on the female brain is to override the part of a woman that assumes all men are psychic. (I’ll wait for you to finish scrunching up your face.) The fact remains that as communicative as women tend to be, many of them leave out the important details that men really need to know. I mean sure, we don’t mind talking about what happened on “Desperate Housewives,” or how your jealous coworker Pam is out to get you. That’s all fine and dandy. But if you only spend time discussing surface issues, then how are we supposed to know that you don’t like it when we fall asleep directly after sex? Or better yet, how can you get mad at us for not being aware that you hate the way we joke around in front of your friends?
Giving the silent treatment may speak volumes in your mind, but when it comes down to it, most men need you to spell out your frustrations in capital letters. And when you finally bring your feelings to the forefront, and we ask where this is coming from, you have officially been given notice that this answer—“I didn’t think it needed to be said”—is unacceptable.
Now that I’ve tackled two of the more prevalent relationship misstatements, it’s time for me to hear from you. Share with me some of the statements and responses that tend to get under your skin when fighting to survive in a relationship.