How to Become a Socialite
Do you really want to be a socialite? The socialites that we see in the media already have their wealth and status from the day they were born. More than likely you are starting from scratch. To get the know-how, don't look at Paris or Ivanna Trump. Watch Mr. Hilton and Mr. Trump then you are on your way to becoming a socialite. Well, it is hard work, but this is for those social climbers out there who want to put an impressionable foot in the door. This guide will help you get into there, the rest is up to you!

Don't confuse social with economic status. Wealth is often necessary -- but never sufficient -- for social prestige.
A good name is extremely valuable. I'm not talking about your reputation, here -- NAME yourself something useless and androgynous and waspy, such as Kipple, Chipper or Tad (for a man) or Parsley, Greer or Hutton (for a woman). Your last name shouldn't be too recognizable (don't get greedy and go for Vanderbilt, or anything) because people know the Vanderbilts and will eventually figure you out. Instead try something established, yet simple and common (Brown,Mercer,Stewart,Campbell or Rogers). P Davis and her husband Whippet Wright would do great. (Seriously).
The caveat to the above is that you must look the part. If you have olive skin, kinky hair and brown eyes, no one is going to buy you as Muffie Sutton. In this case, you are better off settling for something that suggests old Spanish heritage ("Isabella Segovia").

Attend the correct schools, or least pretend you did. This needn't be Princeton or Yale (and MUST not be Harvard), but all schools do need to be private, hundreds of years old, and located in new england. This goes for high school too, although you can probably attend a local private (and needn't spring for a northeastern boarding school) if you live someplace like SoCal, DC or PB. Don't know what "PB" refers to? You're wasting your time. Also, take your gender into account. Dartmouth is manly, Brown is effeminate.

Once you're at school, major in classics, art history or English. Men may alternatively major in economics, and women in French. No one may major in political science.

Get photographed by Patrick McMullan. (Attend a covered event looking vibrant, elegant and emaciated). Be polite, smile for the camera, and don't hesitate to tell the photographer your name.

Be prepared with a narrative about where you come from and what your family does. Make this vague and understated (simple, ambiguous lies are safest). Little colorful details that can never be disproved ("my family used to raise jack russel terriers") are also good.

Volunteer to be on lots of committees. Think hospitals, children's charities, and of course anything related to art or fashion.

(Learn about art and fashion). (Also french cooking, sailing, and horses).

Be a little mysterious and keep them wanting more. Always have a twinkle in your eye that suggests, "there is SO MUCH i could tell you right now....but I'm too coy and discreet."

Kiss on one cheek. Two is pushing it unless you are legitimately european.

Tory Burch makes clothes that are relatively inexpensive but quite acceptable. (For women). Ditto Rachel Roy, DVF and Philip Lim. Whatever you are wearing (or even aspire to wear) now is probably wrong.

Always act as if you are: (1) being watched; and, (2) welcoming it. Remember: gorgeous, privileged people have grown up that way, and the ones who are now socialites obviously enjoy the attention.

Don't be too versed, or interested, in politics or the drier current events.

Learn about event planning, and cultivate your taste in things like flowers, appetizers, music, etc. When you finally get your big break and your committee asks you to help plan some gala, this will come in handy. Reading vogue (particularly the articles chronicling events thrown by real socialites) should help you develop this intuition. Your style should be elegant but not too deliberate.

Obtain a hedge fund prospectus. If you know someone is going to be stopping by your apartment, leave the prospectus amidst your junk mail in a visible place.

Find out where most socialites hang out, their hobbies and leisure time. We are talking traditional luxury vacation spots, golf clubs, societies, etc. Do the research. Depending on how big of a socialite you want to be, the more ground to cover.

Be yourself. So you don't lose yourself and never forget where you came from. Also, socialites can tell when people are money hungry or social climbing. Have your own style, you'll be recognized for it. If your going to be a socialite's friend, be a real friend, you never know when they can help you!

Count your money. You don't have to have millions, but it would help. Let's get real, the only difference between us and them is that they have money and have more things to do that they enjoy. You found your socialite friend, good! Have a huge limit on your credit card. If you want to socialize it can come in handy. So when you know money is tight, maybe you should flip the bills this time.

Be nonchalant. Real socialites do not get amazed by celebrities. So if you are chilling with your socialite friend in Aspen and you see Justin Timberlake, relax, chill, and settle down. If you are hanging with the right people he might come and join you, you never know.

Have the Magical C word. Charisma. Some people have it naturally, other have to work at it. However you attain it, get it.

Speak properly. Check yourself, do you speak slang? If you do it might be harder to break out of than you think. Put all the nouns, verbs, and adjectives in the correct place.

Remember etiquette, learn it, and most importantly use it. Even Nicole Riche and Paris Hilton know how to use a fork properly, and they would expect you to as well. Yes, you have to be prim and proper.

One must be cultured or know a bunch of stuff. First you have to be educated. If not, then you need to have you own business/empire. If you are going to go the educated route, then pick one of the top 30 universities in the nation. Socialites will recognize it and it can help networking as well. The bigger the degree the more accepted you will be. Masters, equal or better. Know something about the Arts: paintings, sculpture, music, whatever. Know that you can contribute something to the refined things of society.

Mention refined things. Know your luxury: People, places, style, cars, latest trends, movie premiers. Know what you care about and a little more. When it comes to clothing, clean cut should do it. The wealthy don't usually care what you are wearing, just that you look educated and polished. Yes, designer would be cool, but keep that to evening gowns, sportswear, and accessories, AND NOT TOO MUCH, EITHER. The rich care about designers and such. But we are talking about the wealthy because they are socialites. As long a YOU LOOK GOOD EVERY DAY, clean cut, all American, with your own little spice, they really don't care.

Tolerence. Why you may ask? Socialites deal with all kinds of people. If you want to step into their world, so do you. Socialies have the wonderful ablity to be civilized in the most horrible circumstances. If you hate someone, do it with charm, grace and a smile.

Get to be a people person so that you may have a circle of friends. Be a real friend. One, you won't have to pay the dinner bill as much, and you might find love!

Play golf and tennis, the staple sports of the socialite and wealthy. Know their sports! Many deals, recommendations, and romances have started on a court and golf club. Even the eventually wealthy come here to mingle and socialize.

Know about money but never talk about it. Its funny! Socialities and the wealthy know how to get a good deal. Well it may not be a deal for us but it is for them. They also know about things that get celebrity attachments at low and affordable prices. For example, Sarah Jessica Parker's new clothing line Bitten or Kimora Lee's Baby Phat (don't wear too much). If they wear Micheal Kors, they go to the outlets and get it for half the price. Yes all of your clothing can be designer, but you have to look in the right place at the right times. Stick to accessories. If you are little large or extra large there is designer studs for you too, just look!

Have confidence. If you don't have any, get some.

Be Generous. The number one thing that you must do if you want to be a socialite is this. GIVE. Yes, and you should have a few charities under your belt. The great thing about this part is that it can be what ever you want, what ever amount you want. You don't have to tell people about how much you gave just tell them about the cause. And if they don't ask say is was a good amount and leave it at that, whether it be $30 or $20,000. And as you go up the ranks you will be able to give more. Oh, and there are perks like meeting celebrities, the affluent, intellectuals, politicians, artist and free things like gifts, free access to facilities, and rooms not open to the public. For a good example check out the Metropolitian Art Muesuem in New York.

Become terribly fashionable and stylish. Buy designer clothes and don't be afraid of ridiculously high prices.
Be gorgeous. People will be envious of you, but will also want to be with you. This might also be expensive, but like a true socialite, act as if money is no object.

Party. Have them, host them, plan them, throw them, and attend them. Make yourself a necessary element to a successful party so you'll always snag an invite. But please, be tasteful.

Create a catch phrase and a 'fab' vocabulary. Saying, "You look so devastating" (a la Bergdorf Blonde's) is much better than saying, "Wow! You look incredible."

Spend time at a hotel. Just get a room for the night, invite a few friends over. Claim you were just going crazy and needed a vacation. This will seem incredibly Upper East Side.

Have fun, and don't forget a few socialite tantrums!

Make everything you do sound REALLY exciting and fun. People love to hear about interesting things. Also, make it seem like you are really busy and always have something going on. If someone asks you what you did today, do not say, "nothing really." Instead, make the boring things you did sound AWESOME! "I woke up this morning and had my coffee on our high-rise deck. It was SO beautiful outside! Then, I went inside and finished this book I've been reading about the nature of mass and space in relation to time. Then I drove with my convertible top down to go pick up my little sister from school, and we went to go get cookie dough ice cream from this little vintage ice cream shop we found last Saturday off Broadway. Then I came home and my mom and I watched a movie together! It was a totally cute chick flick! I almost cried at the end!" Never lie, just embellish. People will want to talk to you if you always have something interesting to say.

Have a couple guys you are "talking to" at a time, but never have a boyfriend (at least long-term). Having a boyfriend closes you off to many social possibilities. Plus, the more guys you date, the more other girls will be jealous of you.

Wear things that sparkle. This makes you look like a rich socialite. Lots of tiny rhinestones. NO big, gaudy jewelrey. Nothing with glitter that rubs off on everything. Make it look chic. Not cheap.

Play up your good points and hide your flaws.

Use everything that you have to your advantage.

When out socializing, drink cocktails that make you look sexy. Like chocolate martinis, mimosas, or (if you want to look classy) a glass of wine. You can always tell a socialite by what she drinks. Limit yourself to two drinks per night. Drunk people look ugly, and no socialite will put herself into that situation.

This is for people who intend on some serious social climbing. Everything said before can be done right now, but it will take you to commit to it, and recognize an opportunity when you see one.

Education: You don't need to have an education even though it greatly helps. What you need to do is speak properly and be well-round in many subjects and you will be educated. There's nothing wrong in educating your self.

One argument was that people want to start over and erase who they are. I argue to erase the bad qualities and keep the good. You don't have to be Plain Jane, be your self, the refined, sophisticated, educated self.
These books might help you:

How to meet the Rich: for Business, Friendship and Romance.
Cash in the City: Affording Manolos, Martini's and Manicures on a Working Girl Budget by Juiliette Fairly

Trump: How to get Rich by Donald Trump
Don't be the stereotypical, cliched socialite. You don't have to be dumb and/or slutty to be a socialite.
Use this only if you want people to think that you are a socialite. Don't play people too long or you will make them mad!

You might be accused of being a poseur. Just laugh it off and start a conversation about your lust over the newest Marc Jacobs' bag.

Being a socialite can be very costly, it would help to have a day job

Views: 6771

Comment by GetEmGirl on May 18, 2008 at 7:11pm
I love this blog! I was doing some of this stuff without knowing it. Joining committees and nonprofit boards is my next thing. Need to get that book Cash in the City! LOL
Comment by Siren on May 18, 2008 at 9:12pm
I am glad to see I am on my way... my membership to MOMA is secured! Great blog BA!
Comment by Baller Alert on May 19, 2008 at 10:51am
I have a question....

Is there certain levels of being a socialite? Is there a such thing as being a ghettofab socialite? For example: A person who is known in the New York party scene....she never waits in line to go to Lotus on urban night...good friends with Obie from Motion...everyone knows her at all the ghettofab clubs. Instead of Tory Burch it's the hottest Gucci bag? being a socialite sipping tea at the Russian Tea House with Paris Hilton?
Comment by Le Coquette on May 19, 2008 at 11:58am
Genevieve Jones.....Learn from accomplishments and her mistakes....
Comment by Chocolate Allure on May 19, 2008 at 12:05pm
I agree with this post. In earlies posts, I attempted to explain that being a socialite is a way of life. And it truly is. It takes extreme dedication and should come naturally. It is way cool for white socialites to have their token "black" friend that is their sedgway into the "hip"world yet able to understand the socialite way of life. I am the "token" black friend in many circles and it is only advantageous to be included because they love showing you off and introducing you to others like they will get an honorary "black" pass and somehow are helping the "black cause"...I must admit some are in denial about black wealth and sometimes assume that black money is from sports or entertainment and once they figure out you are NOT cut from this cloth they love you more......
Comment by Siren on May 19, 2008 at 12:08pm
@ CA very very true!!!!!!
Comment by TimeWaits4No1 on May 19, 2008 at 1:15pm
charity events, walks, marathons are they way to go.
Comment by Noisy_Girl on May 19, 2008 at 10:40pm
Nice and long and a really good read. This article had to be written by a WASP.
I need to work on making everything sound exciting instead of boring.
Comment by Baller Alert on December 7, 2008 at 8:30pm
I bumped this blog because I attended an event this weekend hosted by a well-known socialite in my area. I am still on the fence if you can actually become a socialite or you are passed the torch...from my understanding she was bought in by another woman who use to have fund-raisers..etc.

I watched her as she worked the room kissing everyone did come off very genuine and sincere.

I think some people have it and some don't....
Comment by Zaria 22 on December 7, 2008 at 9:16pm
That was so cool!


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