50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex!
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1. Assuming I can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, us men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bytch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partner’s mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting us to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that sh*t. It makes us men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That sh*t is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a porn star all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the sh*t that magazines forces down yall throats, sex is NOT just about WOMEN. Get over it!!
8. Using magazines and books as a sex bible. I don’t know who comes up with half that sh*t, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his dyck instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that I'm sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some p*ssy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress me yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. PLEASE get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch area to resemble the Amazon. Yes, n**gas understand that waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. That’s fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shyt if you want me to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his dyck in your p**sy. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're bleeding. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your panties in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, it’s his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a B*TCH!
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun. It's actually GREAT!!
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. There’s an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Re-adjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a p**sy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start f**king. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his dyck in your booty.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a n*gga out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If you’re shy, dim the lights, but give a n**ga something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either, that shyt blows me
24. Refusing to get on top. There’s no reason I should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1. are not dead and 2. didn't suffer a minor stroke making you unable to move.lol
26. Expecting me to do all the touching when you're riding me. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your cl*t, do something to make my job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when he’s touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when I dont. It’s your choice to stop, but don't look all f**king surprised when Im confused. You got me naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So you’re a feminist. Big f**king deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. It’s ok to crawl across a bed to me on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not my responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Us men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on my d**k.
32. Ignoring my balls!!! Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, and just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own mess. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then stops because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Going into some speeches about not being objects for sex when he tries to titty f**k you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. I bet you'd get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break shawty. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and laugh at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a b**ch fit when he asks for a 3 some. It’s the American dream. (One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Keep giving head when u know that you have cotton mouth. Grab a bottle of water shawty.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. It’s another when you cutting my d**k and balls with your talons.
41. B**ching when you get nut on you. You're having sex. That will happen. That’s the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and can’t nut and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream my name. Something so I know Im the best you've had, even if im not.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego. trust me I KNOW!!!
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous; this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you, cuz that scent gets stuck in our beards and we have to go a week or two with that God awful smell.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what magazines or books say, some things are simply not pleasant surprises, cuz ill be damned if u even touch my a**. I'll Chris Brown ya a**..lol
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really f**king you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the nut off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Saying bullshyt like "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.Let him EAT DA P**SY!!!
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs something to eat and drink, and wants to go to sleep.
I loved this list!
Thoughts?
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Comment by Ladybass on June 3, 2009 at 6:05pm - I know you did Lady. I think Jack might have liked it alittle too. I'll ask him.
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Comment by Cougar $pice on June 3, 2009 at 6:37pm -
This is a helluva long list to memorize lol.
But great list LL.
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Comment by L0vie D0vie on June 3, 2009 at 6:58pm - I live by most of these rules! L0l
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Comment by Emerald on June 3, 2009 at 7:41pm -
First I'd like to address the photo....DAAAAYUUUUUUMMMMM!!
Ahem now about that list it's great girl! It's funny too!
I LOVE THIS ONE....
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his dyck in your p**sy. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
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Comment by lady lynxx- ladylynxx.ning.com on June 3, 2009 at 8:32pm - HA HA! Di you guys like this list then? I saw it on another site and I had to post for you guys!
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Comment by C*u*t*e* on June 3, 2009 at 9:35pm - LMAO this whole entire list was funny
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Comment by miss_p on June 4, 2009 at 7:45am - damn, this was funny, but true. i've got to work on some of these my damn self, lol
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Comment by Siren on June 4, 2009 at 9:07am - This list is funny as hell...all of these are non issues for me...dude who wrote this needs to understand that if he is sexing girls under the pretense of 14 he ain;t entitled or guaranteed any of the others he wants to be treated like someone's "man" while he sounds like a jump off! SMH
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Comment by Devyn AKA Dominique Devereaux on June 4, 2009 at 10:16am - Hilarious! Some of these were repeats, but nonetheless true.
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Comment by Stephbaby on June 4, 2009 at 11:24am - Hilarious but true!
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Okay, whoooo, clearly there is a lot going on here. But drama aside, the most important thing is your son. First, fuck grandma, cuz she ain't shit. Why bother talking to her ass at all. The BM, print out everything in case you need it for a restra...
I dont get it im confused, it has no logical order or anythng this ish is messy.
Question!!!
my "Baby Daddy" is 25 lives in the east coast, i'm 24 with his child in the west coast, his mother is 50 and his new chick is 30.
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XS,
If you have been dating more than 6 months, you are eligible for "hi, this is daddy's friend(to be safe) & she's gonna hang with us for the holiday! She even made (insert some sort of sweet here) for us!"
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Confirmation my ass...a dude going to be there if he want too. LOL
There is no appropriate time frame. Whenever you & your partner feel that you compliment each other well enough to be introduced to family then it's right.
GIRL! He has a woman that is more important than you. Get rid of him now before you don't realize it till 4 years later. Don't get rid of him now but RIGHT NOW!. Cut your losses and don't even think twice about it. Been there done that.
I wouldn't expect that... I wouldn't bring a guy around my family if I only dated him for a month.
ok i am writing the next part now
Yeah, next time... get a confirmation. planning ahead doesn't work for some guys. You should have called his ass the night before and 1st thing in the morning!
dead@arbor mist lmao
OMG, I can't believe how these social networks have documented her last days. Just sad & frightening... RIP DJ Peachez
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