For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
People you’ve known for years may ask you, “Why aren’t you in a relationship?” You may feel pressure mounting from your friends or family, even co-workers. You may even be growing tiresome of the daily barrage of slander levied against singles on social media. Collectively, it’d seem that anyone not in some form of a committed relationship is living an empty, shame worthy existence. At the very least it may feel that way, because society has done a menacing job of obscuring a very simple truth— Relationships are indeed great, but being single is just as great too. Especially, when you peel back the layers and discover the many reasons why it is absolutely necessary for some people to stay single. We all know the women (and men) who boast about how they have a significant other, when it's clear they're completely miserable. We also know the person who succumbed to the pressure of “needing” to be in a relationship, hooked up with the first person who showed interest and paid dearly for it. Being single isn’t a disease. You can’t “catch” single. You may be getting your life together. You may not. It is for these reasons why I felt it prudent to outline 8 cases when it is absolutely beneficial to be (or remain) single and why.
You just don’t want a relationship.
Eons ago, somewhere in the stratosphere fell this belief that if someone is single, it’s because something is wrong with them. It’s a widely held belief system that couldn’t be more baseless or just plain wrong. We’re all different. We don’t think the same nor do we desire the exact same things. It is for these reasons why it is so important for all of us to accept that some people are perfectly happy living their lives single. They’re at their happiest when they can come and go as they please. They’re genuinely happy going to bed alone and waking up that way. They’re devoid of, well, a void. The longing for partnership is not universal. If this describes you, I encourage you to embrace it. Society says everyone should be in a relationship of some sort, but this is one of the many occasions where the constructs of society should be defiantly ignored. If you see a future with a team of 1, know that you don’t owe anybody an explanation. Stay Single.
You lack financial stability.
I couldn't pass up the opportunity to let people know, while stellar good looks, a strong sex game, and personality are great attributes to possess, they won’t mean much if you don’t have your financial house in order. Good credit, car (in cities that require it), and gainful employment are good starting points. The recent economy has affected millions of Americans. If you've been adversely affected, it might be a good idea to remain diligent on improving your financial standing rather than trying to dive head first into a relationship. It’s often much easier to consider all career options when you only have yourself to consult. You don't have to make six figures to be ready for love, but you should have some stability in your life financially first. Stay single.
You’re just getting out of a relationship.
If this is you, it is imperative you give yourself ample time to adjust and focus on yourself. Jumping briskly from one relationship to another is a recipe for disaster. We all need a period of time to reflect, assess, and readjust our wants and expectations. If you don't give yourself time to do this, there is a very strong chance you could fall for the same type of person whom you just left and despised. When you entertain the prospect of love again, you want to make sure it's not a rebound situation. Not only will you be committing a disservice to yourself, but also to the person you're considering dating. When you get out of a relationship, depending on your reasons for leaving or being left, it takes time to properly reflect so you learn from past mistakes. Not giving yourself this period will dramatically increase your likelihood of finding yourself in the same dead-end relationship. Stay single.
You have emotional baggage.
If you've undergone any type of trauma (i.e. cheated on, domestic violence, heartbreak) it's not always easy to heal. If you live on this earth long enough you'll experience the entire gamut of human emotion, but it is hurt and pain that are arguably the most difficult to manage and require the most time to heal. When you have your heart broken and are dealing with the immense feelings of hurt and loss it's easy to allow this baggage to become problematic in your future relationship(s), especially if you haven't fully recovered emotionally. Unresolved issues may not have anything to do with past romantic relationships. Having unresolved issues from your childhood can certainly hinder you from giving your heart to a future mate. A poor or absent relationship with a parent or not having a positive example of a healthy relationship can dictate how we approach our relationship with the opposite sex. Once you’re in a place of peace, the prospect of sharing yourself with someone else will be a far more enticing endeavor. Stay single.
You have a single mentality.
We’re grown so let’s be real. There are certain "liberties" a single person is afforded that may be less so in a committed (monogamous) relationship. If you enjoy indulging in the company of various members of the opposite (or same) sex or you like the freedom of going and coming as you please, a relationship might not be your best bet. Relationships are partnerships. It doesn't mean you can't hang out with the guys or girls or spend time by yourself, but it does mean you will have to spend more time and energy with someone else. If you're not prepared to share your time, you may want to stay single until you're ready to put “we” before “I”. Stay Single.
You're not ready to compromise.
It's perfectly ok if you want things your way. That kind of thinking just can't work in a relationship. It requires give and take—compromise. When you're single you call all the shots. If you want Chinese for dinner or want to go to Jamaica on vacation, it is entirely your choice. When you're in a relationship you have to consider your partners’ needs and wants. Finding common ground is the cornerstone to all successful relationships. If you know deep down you haven't yet shed your selfishness (nothing wrong with it if you haven’t) or are unwilling to practice meeting in the middle you may want to keep your table reservations to one. Stay Single
You're afraid of commitment.
A relationship isn't like a Celine handbag or Hermes belt. It's not something you can toss away the moment a newer, better version of your significant other pops up. There are no trade-ins, only headaches. What I mean by this is you must be ready to commit fully or the relationship won't work. If the person or people whom you're dating can't keep your attention, it could be a sign that you're not yet ready to jump into a relationship. If the prospect of finding love and settling down with one person causes you to lose the feeling in your left leg, chances are you aren't ready to start picking out house plants with anyone. That’s fine. Stay single.
Mr./Mrs. Right hasn't arrived yet.
I'm not a big fan of the whole, "I'm not looking right now" theory, but I do understand its merits. If you're looking for a God fearing woman/man, you may find it challenging to try and enter into a relationship with a person who doesn't share this same faith. Nobody is perfect, but there has to be common interest, similar goals, and a good foundation for communication. No other human being will ever be able to meet your every expectation. You’re not looking for perfection; you’re looking for a partner whom you can hopefully build with. If the person you’re presently dating doesn’t fit the bill, it won’t do you any good settling down with them just to appease the people in your life or twitter. Stay single.
André George is a lifestyle writer and brand strategist. Follow him on Twitter @TheAndreGeorge