Baby Daddy Drama: Dating A Man With Kids

There are three types of fathers out there: Those who have custody of their children, Those who don't have full custody but support their children, and those who don't support or take care of their children regardless of what the excuse may be. Some women prefer dating men with children because they know that they don't desire any children of their own and some women prefer to not date men with children because they don't think they could ever love someone else's child more than their own which could become a problem if they decided to eventually have children. As a woman, we have to know how to approach dating men with children carefully because in the end, more than one heart can end up broken. I've decided to put a little blog together breaking down these types of fathers and different ways that I've seen relationships handled with them.

 

The Full Time Father: Let me start off by letting you know how much I respect the Full Time Father. There are quite a few out there that are not given the recognition they deserve. They are often overshadowed by the dead beat dad's or the single mom's that tend to think they are the only ones who know their struggle. The single father is a commendable thing, but how do you date one? 

 

I've known some women who survive this relationship by not meeting the children until things are VERY serious. By separating themselves from the child, they lower the likelihood of the child getting attached. Although this is a good way to avoid an unnecessary bond to the child this method can also back fire. A lot of times parents gage their relationships on whether the person they are dating can gel with their child. If you wait to long to include the child in the relationship it could be a lot harder for them to accept you. Like it or not, if he has kids they will be a huge part of your relationship so deciding when to meet the child and how long to be involved is a huge decision.

 

The Support & Visit Dad: Theres absolutely nothing wrong with this guy at all. He's actually a breath of fresh air.  He's not a single dad so theirs no ties to a child keeping him tied down, and he also demonstrates some level of responsibility for his actions. Now, there is a fine line between responsibility and being forced (by court) so ladies beware! But how do you date this man?

 

The good about this guy is that he has a lot more flexibility than the Full Time Father. You can enjoy romantic nights at his home and whenever he needs to get away, he can. Essentially, his child is out of sight out of mind in your eyes. The down side? His baby mama can play a factor. Some women are lucky enough to not have this problem but many are not. The single, bitter baby mama can bring a lot of drama when she sees he is moving on. She can also pull the "I don't want my kids around any other woman" card and essentially make the man choose between you and his child. The situation can get sticky so you have to be very careful.

 

The Dead Beat Dad: We usually don't know a man is a dead beat until we've spent enough time around him, his friends or his family. Most dead beats blame the baby's mother claiming she "keeps him away from their child" or "she has too much drama" but that isn't really a good reason to not support your child, even if it is only financial. We usually blame the baby's mother at first until someone from the outside shed's light on the truth.

 

The good about this guy? Well, the way he treats his child is no bearing on how well he'll treat you. You never really know the situation that him and the mother of his child had and you never know, she may really be keeping him away. On the other hand, if he really cared about the well being of his child he would take the initiative to make sure his child was taken care of. This situation shows a very low level of responsibility and effort on his part. Not to mention, if he won't support one child, if you were ever to bear his children who's to say he would support you? Date this guy at your own risk.

 

Would you date a father? How do you go about it?

Views: 5325

Comment by Honeycoated on May 2, 2011 at 12:21pm
it depends on how old the child is. Age 4 and under i would proceed with caution..
Comment by temptin_destiny on May 2, 2011 at 2:57pm

1st let me say, I love to see men with their kids being wonderful fathers. With that said, I perfer to date men without kids. The reasons are:

1) I dont want the kid to get attached and the relationship doesnt work out

2) When I'm in a relationship I want to come 1st and by right if he has a kid then I would be 2nd

3) If he's a deadbeat dad then I dont want to be associated with him

Comment by mese on May 2, 2011 at 4:32pm
Im happy you did this posts I just met a man with a child and he's the support visit dad and he's told me stories about his baby mama who currently lives in atlanta..im skeptical cuz I don't do baby mama drama lol
Comment by Eleven8 on May 2, 2011 at 5:39pm
@Mesamese yeah, its a tricky situation. Its one thing if the BM is cool and has moved on...but when she hasnt?
Comment by Honeycoated on May 3, 2011 at 12:06am
Exactly. I';d wanna know if she's moved on, if not, uh-uh.
Comment by Ms. KissyFace on May 3, 2011 at 7:29pm
I really believe that a man with children should only be dating a woman with a child or children. If you don't have kids you owe it to yourself to date someone and not have to deal with the baby mama drama or the is this my new step mother issues.
Comment by Candy on May 5, 2011 at 12:09pm
Me not having children I prefer a man that doesn't have any. But in these days that is RARE! So I can handle one child. When you have two and three now that is a bit much.

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