For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
BALLER WIVES CLUB
JUICY, GOT EM CRAZY (Cont'd), Episode #5
I looked at the message and placed the phone face down on the bed. I rubbed Damon’s back and leaned in and kissed his arm. I appreciated him and the love he has for me. Growing up I learned to abandon fantasies about love and having a family. Life had taught me early on that love didn’t exist for me; it taught me that my love was tied to convenient arrangements and business transactions. Men only wanted p****; they never cared for much else. They didn’t care how I was feeling before or after just as long as I made them feel good during. That lesson has stuck with me all of my life and I learned to accept it until I met Damon. He treats me unlike any other man ever has and I appreciate it but I’m not accustomed to it. Sometimes it’s hard to conform and I end up treating him like a trick or a sponsor. I don’t mean to, it’s just what I know and what I’m comfortable with. Damon would do anything for me and has always made me feel protected and secure I guess I’m waiting for the day when it all goes away. Nothing has ever happened in our relationship to make me feel otherwise but again life has taught me that I wasn’t to be loved.
I met Damon one night at my friend Angela and her baller husband Chris’ house they were having a Super Bowl Party, when Damon walked in. He didn’t make a scene though his presence spoke for him. It let everyone there who didn’t know who he was that he was indeed somebody. He walked in and all of the single ladies in the room were instantly at attention, legs got crossed and whatever conversations were moderately funny became hysterical. I mean those chicks were putting on the hits but he didn’t pay any of them any attention. I primarily focused on the game because two of the men that I was sleeping with at the time were playing in the Super Bowl one on each team, so my interest was piqued. Damon sat on the couch across from me but it wasn’t until the next commercial that I’d noticed he was watching. He gave me that low key once over and I smiled because I thought it was cute. Normally men gave me a straight on look that said exactly what they were thinking but this one gave me kind of a shy boyish effort. Before the end of the night Damon asked if I could get him a drink and followed me into the kitchen when I went to get it.
“Hey” he walked in behind me.
“Hi, why did you ask me to make you a drink if you only were going to follow me in here” I giggled.
“Because I wanted to get you out of the room with everyone”
“What’s your name?”
“Taji” I extended my hand.
“Taji, that’s pretty” he took it and kissed the back of it “Pleasure to meet you pretty Taji” he said.
I smiled at his gesture and charm.
“I’m Damon Scott”
“Nice to meet you as well, Do you like more Rum than Coke?”
“Actually, I don’t want a drink at all. I just wanted to talk to you” he answered
Damon and I stood in the kitchen for the remainder of the game talking. It was easiest most fluid conversation I’d had in my life. He was charming and funny and even in the midst of the good time I stood there uncomfortable and damaged. A few days later when Damon picked me up for our first date he gave me roses, opened the car door and pulled out my chair at dinner. And in three years he has done nothing different, and up until one year ago I hadn’t either. While dating Damon I kept seeing the men I was sleeping with before him, then came the day that he asked me to marry him.
Damon was in Oakland before he came to Miami so during the first year he’d send for me often. This time he sent a private jet which took me by surprise because he didn’t spend on such lavish expenses normally. I boarded the jet and was greeted with a glass of champagne. I sipped from the crystal flute and relaxed in the lush comfort of the cushioned sand colored bucket seats. The pilot announced that we were preparing for take-off an when we did and was high into the air, Damon opened the cockpit and walked out. My mouth fell open I don’t know if it was because of shock, or because he looked so handsome or because I wondered who in the hell was flying the plane.
“Damon!” I jumped and he smiled
Damon walked over to me and took the seat next to me. He lifted the shade on the window and pulled me into him.
“Do you see that?” he asked
I looked down at all the lights on the ground, there were thousands coming from cars, street lights, houses and etc., they stretched as far as the eye could see. “Yes”
“I love you more than all the lights that you can count down there as well as up there” he said pointing to the night sky. “Taji, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, there is nothing I wouldn’t give to keep you happy. Will you please make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”
Damon pulled a small box from his jacket pocket and opened it. It was a five carat round diamond that was surrounded by a circle of beautifully cut smaller round diamonds and diamonds along the band. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I looked at Damon and said
Damon has always been the man he promised, he’s always been my knight in shining armor. He’s better to me than I know how to be to myself but I’m damaged. I struggle because I know that I don’t deserve him. I struggle because I feel more comfortable with being used rather than being loved. Being loved was unfamiliar to me and it made me feel vulnerable and out of control. I was better when I understood the deal, when it was plain and uncomplicated. I didn’t want to lose my husband but I wasn’t ready to learn to what I needed to be for him. I kissed my husband’s back and arms again as he relaxed on our bed. I looked down at his beautiful skin and traced my tattooed name on his bicep and kissed the back of his neck. I reached for my phone and texted Brian back.
I miss you too…Where?