Comment by Sissy on September 18, 2012 at 12:49pm

I definitely disagree with this, I'm not for the games.  If you find someone that you're interested in establishing something long-term with, you don't just NOT cook, clean, etc. for him because you're waiting on him to commit.  The catch-22 is, he'll NEVER commit if he doesn't see those qualities in you...

I say do all of what you would usually do but just keep the lines of communication completely open and honest.  Let him know you're interested in something more in the future.  That way, you can know what he wants, he knows what you want and then you can decide if you want to invest more of your time in him.  

Playing this game above will keep you lonely.

Comment by Bonita on September 18, 2012 at 6:57pm

Stop doing wifey duties when you are not wifey. If he is already getting all the milk for free why would he want to buy the cow. 

Comment by Miss Good on September 18, 2012 at 8:19pm

@Bonita exactly!!

Unless a man comes over and I offer him food that I had already cooked, i WILL NOT cook for a man and if he wants to see if I can keep a clean house, he is free to look around my place but I will not do anything without any type of title. At the end of the day, no man is going to wife you if he can get you to cater to him without any type of commitment

Comment by Sissy on September 18, 2012 at 8:36pm

Lol I'm sorry, I just think that's so selfish.  A huge part of being in and letting your relationship grow is being yourself and showing your mate who you are.  If you can burn, why not show him you can burn- it only RAISES your stock!  Laundry is something I wouldn't do if I wasn't in a relationship, but why not show that you're nurturing, caring, supportive, etc.?  

I'm not saying continue to do things for a man for 5-10 years when he's clearly not making any moves to get serious.  But if you're real and let him know that you want a serious relationship and he still doesn't make a move in that direction- drop his ass.  I guarantee when he's dating all the women who WON'T do anything for him, he'll be back lol.

Also, let's not forget, men make investments in us too.  

Comment by Sissy on September 18, 2012 at 8:38pm

@Bonita I think the milk/cow analogy is best used for sex.  You can't be letting some dude you've been on 4 dates with put it in your butt but if he paid for dinner the first few times, and you can cook, why not cook and show him that you can carry your weight as a woman? 

Comment by Goldie F***'n Fish on September 18, 2012 at 8:51pm

I agree. The problem with some women is they do all these wonderful things for undeserving men. One guy, before we had been on any dates, asked when I was going to come over to his place and cook for him. WOMP!!!

I love to cook for a man that is only when I see that I wouldn't mind doing that for him in the future.

Comment by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on September 18, 2012 at 10:41pm

I agree with the article and what Bonita said.  Don't do all this for a guy, for what??  Nothing.  Hell nahhh!!!    I wouldn't even say it's all about the commintment, but also about what he's doing for you.  Is he considerate?  spontaneous (sp?) appreciative?  Does he clean when you cook or does he just act like "oh, thats what she does".  HELL NO.... If I'm cooking and cleaning for any damn man on a regular - we already have what we want out of it established. 

 

When women do shyt like that for a man with no return, they (the man) expect most women to do that shyt for free.  Stop making men feel like they are entitled to our goodness for nothing.  Make him work for that shyt.  Not saying don't cook or clean to show your skills off, just do it as a something special.

 

OAN:  I've heard a lot of men talling bout their girl/wife/wifey don't do this.....See, he left yo cooking and cleaning ass for the other chick - so just f*** him and send him on his waaay...J/k....sorta.

Comment by Dragon Slayer Puss on September 19, 2012 at 1:04am

I'm with the ladies who say preserve your skills with these new age mofos. The point of it all is that men marry or seriously commit to the WOMEN THEY WANT, not the women who are best at "womanly" things like cooking and cleaning. Most of these fool got it just too easy...a woman to cook, clean, entertain, be seen with, AND give some fire head and ALL THEY GOTTA say is "that's my girl" to get the most from a woman. I say let him know u can clean, cook him a meal or two, but do not let this fool get comfortable all in exchange for some d*ck! You will never get a ring that way. Most of these married chicks aint cooking or cleaning NO WAY. That's why their men constantly "venting" about their wives to their female friends. ALSO....most married women who have full out committed men who are treating them as queens are the chicks that remembers herself first...she aint in the trenches tryna keep him, his ass is tryna figure out what the hell to do to keep her. 

Comment by mariemarie675 on September 19, 2012 at 4:14am

I soo agree with this. Yes Bonita!! Wife duties are for wives! Girlfriend duties are to be good company and enjoy the courtship. You'll have the rest of your life to cook, clean and pick up after someone.Why would you marry someone how already does everything you need? I think that's part of the whole "buy the cow" analogy as well as sex. 

Comment by Dragon Slayer Puss on September 21, 2012 at 12:03am

IDK...I think i'm starting see Sissy's point...Last night, I felt the urge to go clean my ex's kitchen. We broke up like 3 months ago, and yall who luv me know what's goin on...anyway, I was over there a few days ago and realized that his house hadn't been cleaned prob since the last time I did it. Anyway, I walked in and put my coat in the den in which he was sitting and watching tv. I said that he should come talk to me in the kitchen. So he stood in the doorway, as usual, and our convo began. We just talked about work, and light stuff. He had like 35 spoons in the sink, i kid u not, and I realized he is lazy as hell...anyway, we laughed and honestly it felt good. I didnt sweep or mop and told him i was saving that for him. When I got close to finishing he went back to the den, I guess he wanted me to sit and watch tv with him. I got my coat on and started to go. He jokingly said how much I owe u, and I said 100. He gave me 75 which was all he had...i wasnt expecting it, but when he asked, i figured why not. Then I told him to follow me home cuz it was late. He sent me messages last night and today...i'm back to being cold to him, but the tone of his messages is just different...i feel the tables turning...and I didn't do anything that I didnt want to do. I guess he feels like it was a major thing. I'm still pissed but I think what Sissy was saying is that a man who is thinking about u long term wants to know that you care about him, even in bad times. Even when things aint going right. That u will be there for him and find it in your heart to still be good to him even tho he is an ass. In a week or so, I'm going to cook. I'ma make a big meal he can eat off of for a couple days. Then I'ma go back cold on him. And if we ever get back together and he gives me another key, i'ma stay in the house if he gets mad....not leave while we are disagreeing. I think staying around means alot. I think I (we) say f it and move around to the next man too soon, this relationship ish is hard work and a woman has to do alot of it. I think Sissy was saying that cooking and cleaning is one of the simplest ways to show him u got him even tho....I still say don't be no slave, but don't be no ice queen either. And lastly, yall know I love Tamar....I heard Vince say that she don't cook....but another time he said she cooked EVERYDAY when she was tryna get him to put a ring on it. She had a plan...it worked....we all got to if we tryna have any situation with longevity. get a plan and stick to it....but know it's gon be a lot of giving and not so much receiving....i know this...once I get the ring.....it will be my turn to be a lil bit of an ass myself. That's the trade off. lol 

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