Ballerific Relationships - Blended Families: Baby Mama, No Drama

Recently, I overheard a young lady praising her friend and telling her that she's a "real b****" because she invited her boyfriend's child and his mother to her daughter's birthday party. I didn't realize that was something to praise as I assumed and hoped that it would be normal behavior when you are dealing with someone who has children who happen to be related to the ones you bring into the world. I posed a question to a large group of women who all have children with guys who have children from previous relationships and most of them stated that they have nothing to do with the other children. Some claimed that the reason is that they don't like the mom but when asked why I received "because.. I just don't" as an answer. Okay, girl. Often, the real reason is that they do not trust that the relationship between their man and his ex is truly over or that it may be revived if they are near one another for more than 5 seconds. There may be trust issues, insecurities or other types of underlying issues that need to be addressed. It surely doesn't help if the woman still has a thing for the guy. If she does, that's her problem to deal with. If you are with a man who is true to you he will handle it accordingly. If you don't trust him enough to do so then maybe the two of you need to start there. 

You would think that as women who are raising siblings, that act of coming together wouldn't be foreign but it is. It baffles me how women get into a relationship and have children with a guy who has (a) child(ren) from a previous relationship and decides she wants no involvement with the child or their mother over something silly. Granted, you don't have to like her or become her best friend.. you don't have to get your A.Keys, Mashonda and Swizz Beatz on and vacation together if that's not your thing, but you can't even pull it together enough to raise your children together as the family that they are? You do realize that if you have a child with this man that your child and her child are (or will be) brother/sister, right?? I've even heard of women who are so hell bent on not dealing with the mother that they attempt to convince their man to distance himself and lessen his role in his child's life. Chile, if he is willing to do that do you even WANT him? Yuck. 

In 2012 the world got wind of Oxygen's plan to premier a show entitled 'All My Babies' Mamas' starring Shawty Lo, his 11 children and the 10 women he shares those children with. The show was set to chronicle the day to day lives of this big, blended family but was canceled before it even aired. I watched the trailer when it premiered and I remember thinking of what a hot mess the show was going to be but I definitely planned to tune in. Judge your muvah! Other than the fact that I think he has way too many raw smash sessions, one thing that I enjoyed while watching the trailer was how all of the women worked together and seemed to be heavily involved in the lives of all of the other children as well as their mothers. While some of them are very fond of each other and hang out outside of family time, a few of the women expressed their dislike for one another. Even though they don't all have personal relationships they are able to put their differences aside and come together as a unit when the children are involved. Not only is it important for children to have a relationship with their siblings, it is equally important that they witness healthy dealings between the people who are raising them. If TEN women can get together why can't TWO? 

I think it is beautiful when two families can come together for the greater good. It may not be easy and quite possibly requires a lot of work, patience and gulping down your pride at times but it could be worth it. 

"Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other." Jada Pinkette-Smith on forming a relationship with Sheree. (Will's ex wife and mother of his son, Trey.)

Is 'baby mama drama' the reason you deprive your children of forming bonds with their siblings? Do you think it is important to get along with the mother(s) of your boyfriend's or husband's children? 

Views: 580

Comment by BrownSkin Beauty. on July 23, 2014 at 9:45pm
I'm with someone who has a child with another woman, tbh, I love that child as if she were my own, because I love him, I accept every bit of joy he helped bring into the world. I used to always say i don't want to be with anybody who already has kids but sometimes that 1 person will cancel out all of that.
Comment by Student Beauty on July 23, 2014 at 9:54pm

My Corp baller doesn't have any children, but is building a great relationship with my child. My child's father has a jealousy streak because my baller really is "handsome and wealthy!"  My baller handles him like a man, so in due time my child's father will come around. But, it is funny cause he was the main one saying, "As long as he treats my child right, I am cool." The lies he tells.

So, basically maturity plays a big part in blended families. 

Comment by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on July 23, 2014 at 11:15pm

My dad's ex and my mom got along fine.  My step mom (even though they werent married) and my dad met when I was in about 7/8 and they were together until I was about 25/26.   They have had some ups and downs but all in all, they got along pretty well and were friends and are still friends until this day.  We were/are all a family.  My step-sisters call my cousins, aunts, uncles their own...We celebrate holidays, birthdays, weddings, everything together even now that she is married to another guy that's not my dad.   My ex visited me once and we had a get together and everyone was there, he was shocked that my dad's girl and my mom were cool.  Mature people can handle it. I grew up around it so I think It'll be easier for me to deal with this situation if I had to.

Comment by GoalDigging on July 23, 2014 at 11:59pm
If my boyfriend had kids, I would want to be actively apart of their lives. I think it is up to the boyfriend to make sure his past and current relationship have respect and peace with one another. I also would not marry a man without building a bond with his kids first. Family is everything.
Comment by Christina on July 24, 2014 at 6:32am

My current and my ex get along as well. They have actually formed a friendship. I couldn't be happier and my daughter loves that she has 2 dads in her life. Now, on the other hand, my ex-husband hates everyone! He's the father of my son and can't get along with my daughter's father or my current man at all. Tries to shoot (or at least pull the gun out and make him think he's going to) my daughter's dad every time he sees him. And he's married with two other children and our relationship has been over since 2000! I was with my daughter's dad for 12 years and he had two other children too. I always wanted him to spend time with them and bring them over for birthday parties and cook outs, but their mom's were not having it! I guess their disdain for me outweighed the children's need to spend time with their father, although the younger one's mom has finally started to come around after all these years. Such a shame that these siblings could have had a relationship a long time ago if it weren't for some of these mothers.

Comment by SMSLove on July 24, 2014 at 9:45am
It all depends. I dont care if you may phuck him from time to time. But if you've wished me physical harm,constantly disrespect me and tell your child not to respect me... then in my head (100) f*** you and your disrespectful child and yall not welcome. If your child harms mine I will phuck you and your child up. I will never beef with a chick over a dude, ever. But if you want to be mad at me because of him then thats on you and keep your energy away from mines. .. wthese b****** have stalked me, played on my phone for years, cause scenes at birthday parties because im there, you name it and they've tried it. They do this when im not with him too. When him and I were together I did encourage him to get them as often as possible and invited the kids when we'd take our son somewhere, but thats it. And I only did that cuz I want my son to have a bond with his siblings but if they mommas get in the way thats on them
Comment by Jak Blunt on July 24, 2014 at 11:13am

I love this article. I grew up in a blended family. My mother would bring her bfs to my dad's family events. My dad was still  welcome to my mother's events as well as my step mother. It wasn't until I grew up and dated a man with children that I learned that my upbringing was in fact not the norm. One of his daughters' mother wanted nothing to do with me and that hindered me from getting to know his child....

The new guy I'm with has a far better situation. I actually met his son's mother the same time I met him. We've hung out and even play words with friends. lol She has to take the time to get to know me to be comfortable with her child being around me.

Comment by Coco Apèritif on July 24, 2014 at 11:39am
My daughter's father is married to another woman, and though we certainly are cordial, I wouldn't say I'm "friends" with her nor do we hang out or anything.

My daughter goes with her dad every other weekend, so I don't really see her anyways because he usually comes solo to pick and drop her back off. We do communicate if need be though, like sometimes my daughter has been dropped off with just her alone or she has come to pick her up alone a few times as well.

I don't feel compelled to be all buddy-buddy with her, but we are quite civil and amicable.

If I dated a man with a child, I would want to meet their mother out of respect depending on how serious things got - and I would want the guy I'm serious about to meet her dad as well. But haven't gotten that serious with anyone yet.

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