Dating Advice on a Touchy Subject

Comment by REM on January 18, 2009 at 3:23pm

um...



He tells me that in 2007 his fiance had passed while delivering their baby, who also passed away,There are pictures of her and their baby in everyroom of his house and even at his friends house.


Something in the milk aint clean


SOmething in the milk aint clean.

Comment by REM on January 18, 2009 at 3:26pm

still doesnt make sense love. if the baby passed at birth , how could there be pictures? and if u heard it from Mark, u stay at his * BRANDON*'s house so would u see it right???

..u wouldnt have to hear that he has pictures in his house of the " baby and ex wife"...

Comment by Sierra on January 18, 2009 at 3:28pm

I heard it from *Mark* never out of my man's mouth about the situation.
I think I'm over my head sometimes cuz I got myself in this situation. and now I'm like WTF do I do? say? The pictures are mostly of her and the baby only one is of them together on vacation.

Comment by Holly-Would on January 18, 2009 at 3:31pm

Rem get out of my head... But apart from that I think you should chill out, its only been four months... There are different ways to llok at the situation

1. Let it develop on its own some more

2. Jump the gun and be prepared to bite the bullet or dodge it

3. Stop doing so much with him, you are accelerating your relationship, sounds like its about to crash and burnout out soon, he won't step up and commit further if he can get everything he wants without having to commit

4. Men decide when relationships start, women decide when they end.

But really if the mom and baby died during delivery how are their pics of the baby all over. Please clarify...

Comment by Sierra on January 18, 2009 at 3:39pm

Her pictures are her graduation college pics, glamour shots type pictures. I don't have the full story on how the baby passed but the picture is of the baby when she is first put in a blanket and hat right out of the womb after the cord is cut. I assume their was some sort of complication after that and (gasp) that the baby was alive during that photo. I've never had the nerve to ask him what happened that day

Comment by Sierra on January 18, 2009 at 3:47pm

who also passed away,There are pictures of her and their baby in everyroom of his house and even at his friends house.


Sorry there should have been a period after 'passed away'. Mark didn't tell me about the pictures being in the house I found that out on my own obviously.

I've been delaying the extracurricular activities as best as possible so there will always be something left to do. I've rushed in the past with the daily texting and phone calls just to say I was just thinking of you, etc. etc. and that one day you don't do it, the drama starts like what's wrong you don't like me anymore? So yea I got that and I've slowed down my sleepovers and I try to do dinner and possibly a movie/bball game and then say I have to be up early so I got to head out.

Comment by Holly-Would on January 18, 2009 at 3:50pm

What is the gasp for? Re-read your inital post and see if you can't see the disconnect in the story for yourself...

And you already answered your question... His friends call you his lady, not him, yet in your response to Rem you refer to him as your man... Take two steps back, before you become completely dillusional

If you've been all up in his house for 4 months spending the night and all and he's never once decided to talk to you about the pictures of the woman you don't know about (because his friend gave you a loose version of the story) that says a lot...

And if you can't muster up the heart to ask about her, then don't be pressuring him asking "where is this goin" ride the wave or fall back... Done

Comment by Sierra on January 18, 2009 at 4:12pm

Holly-Would I see what you're saying. In my summarization (if thats a word) I was trying to not write a book but I see how you it comes off as all over the place. The gasp was for me saying I assume that the baby was alive wrapped in the blanket during the photo. To be brutally honest it has crossed my mind that she wasn't but I'd rather not think that way. Referring to him as my 'man' was just generalizing (again is that a word?) instead of saying the guy I'm dating/ guy I'm seeing. Perhaps I should have said Brandon has never told me the story of what happened to his fiance and baby in 2007.

Well after reading this and having a chance to reflect on the situation. I believe I am kind of rushing the 'talk' and will chill the eff out for a bit. I'll update at 6 months lol..

Thanks Pretty in Pink, Holly-Would, and ReMLoVE

Comment by Sierra on January 18, 2009 at 4:13pm

meaning our 6 months together

Comment by Selasse on January 18, 2009 at 7:12pm

I'm suspicious because: (1) you said Mark has dog-like tendencies. He could have made up, or embellished the story somewhat; and (2) Brandon must know if you are sleeping over, that you must be curious re all the pictures at "his house" and "his friends house". I'm sorry, I would have to ask him. Next time you are over, say something like "I've noticed these pictures all over your house and at Mark's house (if at Mark's house), is this one of Mark’s (or whomever) relatives? I've have to ask. That's just me.

Finally, the investigator in means thinks you should try to ascertain the date of birth/death and independently verify the story. You can (1) search the local newspapers for birth/death records for up to a month following the death; and/or (2) contact your local board of health, via online or through phone, to verify the story about the birth/death. If you are able to verify it as the truth, then fall back. I would say longer than 6 months.

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