Comment by Denise Aba on March 8, 2013 at 9:03am

I prefer to date guys with no kids....I think for women when it's more likely to be true when they tell you they aren't dating or still sleeping with their child's father. Men more than likely he's still hitting that or trying to still hit it.

Comment by Denise Aba on March 8, 2013 at 9:04am

Ignore that first when typo sorry

Comment by JustMe on March 8, 2013 at 9:31am

Being completely honest, I would never date a man with a preteen or teen daughter... For the exact same reason your friend is going through it... My parents divorced when I was 24 and I gave every broad the SSE and b**** move look if she dared offer more than a hello... It's rough on both sides because the daughter feels like "this heaux tryna take my daddy" and the new chick just wants to know that her position is solid...

Your friend has got to stop distancing them if he truly wants the situation to work... They HAVE to know how to get along NOW if there is any hope of them operating as a successful family unit... He also needs to get his daughters mother on board... The three adults have to present a unified front in order to soften baby girl... And scary as it may sound girlfriend needs to develop her OWN relationship with the daughter... Spend time with her without dad around so that they can get to know one another...

All is not lost yet...

-----------

Second part... Kids don't need to meet anybody until you know where the relationship is going... Not saying you have to be engaged before the children meet the new boo, but you need to know that you guys want some type of be together for the foreseeable future... Second part of that is no sleepovers while the child is in the home...

Comment by TOYA on March 8, 2013 at 12:13pm

Found this very enlightening. I've been torn since I have birth to my son and things with his father didn't work out. I noticed I've built a brick wall around the two if us and haven't even thought about dating.

Comment by EmpressSoDivine on March 8, 2013 at 5:17pm

I had to learn the hard way that dating men with children is not for me. The issues that arose for me were that I didn't really feel a connection to the kids and I felt like I had to be too cautious with what I said or did b/c I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. Another thing is that if the child or kids are too young, there's always that thought in my mind that maybe he's still messing with the mother....I'm also a little selfish and want us to learn together and build a family from scratch so to say.....Either way, my golden rule now is simply no men with children.

Comment by FrostBiteMe on March 8, 2013 at 11:16pm

I struggle with this topic constantly! The last 3 men I've dated had kids and I really adored one of them and his little girl. However that situation sucks even when they guy is a SUPER dad because this responsibility is time-consuming, expensive and it affects your relationship. Sometimes I got tired of hearing abt the kid, the baby momma, tired of plans being cancelled or changed b/c the kid is sick or it's his day to babysit, ect.

Overall I wouldn't completely rule out dating a single dad but he would have to be a f****** 10! I'm talking.....Nas or some s***, lol.

Comment by HisADDiction on March 8, 2013 at 11:45pm

I am a mom of two and I have been seeing this guy who has a daughter on/off for a year n 1/2. I allowed him to only see my kids once and that was for Halloween. He sleeps over and I sleep over at his house, however our kids never see us. My children's father is very active in their lives so until someone puts a ring on it, all they will know is their daddy. However w/ that there is a catch 22. You don't want to wait until you walk down the aisle to figure out your man and your kid/s are not a good fit. You have to be cautious. Also I don't agree w/ the whole everyone you think u like should be meeting your kids. If your love life is a revolving door you may want to reevaluate your priorities. With that said practice keeping your reality and your kids reality separate.

Comment by Miss Good on March 9, 2013 at 1:04am

I cant date a man with a child. Ive done it before but I would rather not in the future. There are so many reasons.. You come im second to the child (as expected because I would put my child before a man if I was a single mother), i want my first child to be his first, and most notoriously.. The baby mama. I just always feel like theres a chance he might go back to her. Yall see how Amare did Ciara! I just cant and its sooooo extremely hard to find a man w/o kids.. One reason why Im single

On the flipside, I think its easier for a woman with a child to date esp a man who has kids as well. They understand eachother on a diff level. But like everyone stated, you def cant just introduce EVERY one to your child

Comment by blackfujones on March 9, 2013 at 8:48am

The last paragraph is extremely true. A father's love is learned which is a powerful thing. Had to tell my best friend this a while back after having his first daughter. But as far as dating I am verrrrrry protective. Noone would meet my daughters after what I went through with my first daughter and my ex-wife.  My now fiance didnt meet both of my daughters until 8 months of us dating.  And it was by accident bc her plane got delayed lol. I do sometimes believe we parents use the kids as a crutch not to date because of our past failures in relationships tho

Comment by blackfujones on March 9, 2013 at 8:50am

-and quite frankly when you hit your early 30's its damn near impossible not to date someone who hasn't had a 'family' 'past' before you. I'm quite alright with dating women with children because it allows me to see different sides of her.

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