Do You Feel Obligated To Hold Your Man Down While He's In Jail?

I was watching an episode of Mob Wives yesterday, and before you ask no, I don't know why I was watching it but something interested me. A lot of these women are married to men that are doing time in jail and although their lives are harder because of it, they stick around.

 

I've been in a similar situation. Fell in love with a guy that seemed to find himself in a jail cell more than he found himself at home. If he made it over 30 days without being locked up we looked at it as some type of accomplishment. Month after month my money was spent on bail bondsmen, commissary and collect calls. It got to the point where I couldn't pay my own bills because I was taking care of another grown man. Then I got fed up. At one point love wasn't worth it anymore. I had had enough. Why was I doing so much for a man who was putting himself behind bars? I hadn't committed the crime nor had I asked him to commit any crimes for me. His life was in those streets, so why did I make it part of my life to be there for him? Weekly prison visits weren't worth it. Why do we do it? I can only speak from my experience.

 

I would say the reason I stayed was out of guilt. Honestly, I was over the entire situation long before I actually left, but I stayed. I stayed because I felt that if I left that I would be letting him down when the rest of the world has already turned their back on him. I felt like I was all he had and all he ever needed. I felt that if I would have abandoned him I was letting him down. There is a fine line between loyalty and the situation I was in. I had gone far beyond being loyal. Loyal was writing letters, telling him that I'd be here when he got out and so forth. I had let him become a financial burden and when it began to take away from my kid I had to stop. 

 

Watching Mob Wives makes me wonder how these women with 2, 3 and 4 children can stand behind these men who tend to live in jail. One woman doesn't even know when her husband will be released because he refuses to tell her. On top of that he called her on the phone and cussed her out calling her all types of names you should never call a woman who is holding down the fort for you. Yet from the looks of it, she stays. Do you think there is an obligation to stand behind a man who is in jail? Some say no, just leave. Others say it's not right to leave him while in jail, at least wait until he's released to break it off. 

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Comment by JustMe on April 25, 2011 at 10:02am
Standing by a man in jail & financially supporting him are two different things... Waiting on a man is totally up to a woman's discretion... Financial support, should only be done if you can afford it, and even then... Like it was said on MW last night they have it better than we do... A place to lay their head w/out having to pay rent or a mortgage... Food to eat w/ out needing groceries... Etc, etc... And some of them ninjas too effin lazy to take a class or two that would free them earlier...
Any, my middle ex-brother in law had my ex mother in law breaking her back for him, until we found out that he would take $$$ off of his books & give it to his baby mama...so regardless of the relationship I won't put $$$ on anybody's books... They do get a Christmas pkg tho.
Now if you love that man, and you really want to wait, then wait... But be honest with yourself about the possibilities when he comes out... If you are communicating with him, then you know where his head is... If he's still talking about that same silliness, then chances are he will end up back there... And even if he is speaking like a changed man, you still need to watch his actions for 6 months to a year once he comes home...
Comment by temptin_destiny on April 25, 2011 at 10:43am

I grew up with my Uncle in jail and his wife hitting the highway (12hr drive) every weekend to go see him and holding him down at home.  She was truely a "ride or die" chick. After watching that I told myself i'm not sure I could do that. This is one of my conversations I have with guys i date. I express my feeling that if you get locked up please do not call me. I'm not putting my name on the line for no one, i don't write letters or accept collect calls.

 

The exception to this rule is he gets locked up for a nobel reason (ex.definding family) and was taking care of business before he got locked up.

 

Comment by Tracy on April 25, 2011 at 1:00pm
It depends on what he went down for, and how long he's going to be down for. 
Comment by Honeycoated on April 25, 2011 at 1:03pm
there's another show called Prison Wives that show women how marry men in jail or was married/dating the guy before he went to jail. Like Temptin Destiny said, if he went in for a noble reason, yes, i will be there emotionally for him. But anything else, no
Comment by MKym on April 25, 2011 at 1:33pm

I had a boyfriend who got locked up and I sent him a letter breaking it off almost immediately. If he has been arrested by mistake or is currently fighting a charge with a good defense (self defense, etc.) then that's different. But I dont do criminals. My life is going places that cannot accommodate a man who has no respect for the rule of law. I need someone who is going to complement me, my lifestyle, and my career. I cannot afford to have anyone dragging me down because they like running up in people's houses, slinging drugs, or assaulting people.

 

Thanks but no thanks!

Comment by Candy on April 25, 2011 at 1:43pm
I don't do the jail birds. You go to jail holla at me when you get free cause a girl gotta live. If I loved you I would probably communicate with you still but it would be established that I can not put my life on  hold because of your stupid decisions.
Comment by C.R.E.A.M. on April 25, 2011 at 2:04pm

In a word.... Fuckno

 

Comment by University of Smitty on April 25, 2011 at 2:06pm

My very first boyfriend went to jail and he was going to be there a good minute.  Now I told myself I was going to be there for him(whateverthatmeant), but putting money on his books NEVER crossed my mind...lol Anyhoo, when he was at the county, I visited him once a week and accepted one call a week.  Once he got shipped to prison, it was less than 6 months before I was done with his azz.  I think I visited him there once, and then that fool had the nerve to ask me to smuggled some drugs in for him.  I was DONE.  Yep, I thought we had something special but clearly, that n***a didnt know me AT ALL.......  lmao

 

But yeah, I dont do criminals either.  I'm not putting money on any books, I'm not sending any boxes, I'm not writing any letters, and I have a block on my phone. 

Comment by mese on April 25, 2011 at 2:25pm
Uh no! lol! I have a hard time sticking by a man that's jobless, so im sure in the hell ain't gonna stick by a man that's in jail! im all for being a ride or die chick but if your gonna be in there for a few years then yea you can kiss my ass goodbye holla at me when you hit the streets playa, my sisters baby daddy is in prison and she's sticking around waiting for his ass, but im not sure why he wasn't doing s*** when he went in, so im pretty sure he might not be doing much when he gets out smh. Yea im with smitty on that one lol
Comment by Desiree' on April 25, 2011 at 2:37pm
HELL no

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