Fake Weed Leads NY Jets' Kellen Winslow To Jail For Masturbating In A Target Parking Lot

On November 19th, Kellen Winslow was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana. We already knew that. What we did not know were the details surrounding his arrest. It involves the search for Boston Market, a lot of Vaseline and Winslow wanking off in a Target parking lot. Reason #43985739 why marijuana should be legal in all states.

Via CBS Sports

"As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was," the report reads. "As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account."

When cops arrived on the scene, they asked Winslow what he was doing and he allegedly told them he was looking for a Boston Market.

The cops said that Winslow had his pants on by the time they found him, although he did apparently have "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console."

Winslow also had, according to the police, empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" and empty bags of "Mr. Happy."

No, this doesn't relate to his "Boston Market excursion." Those are the forms of synthetic marijuana that Winslow was allegedly in possession of; he also allegedly told police that he purchased it from gas stations and on the Internet and smoked it because the NFL doesn't test for it.

Don't do drugs, kids. Unless of course it's from Mother Earth.

Views: 1850

Comment by DJ - A.K.A - DON_JUAN on January 17, 2014 at 4:39pm

lol say what now!?!?!?! O_o

so he went to meet a chick and was beating his d*** when she walked up to the truck?? lmao wow

Comment by MsPretty92 on January 17, 2014 at 5:19pm
My freak ass probably would of sat there and watched smh
Comment by GoalDigging on January 17, 2014 at 7:45pm
I would've recorded him.
Comment by TawnyBaby on January 17, 2014 at 9:23pm
Well....
Comment by Carla Jenkins on January 18, 2014 at 11:26am

The weed (fake or real), jerking off in the parking lot and the lady walking by when all she wants is something from Target is too much. I think that drugs made Kellen do this!

Regarding the whole drug disclaimer, cocaine comes from Mother Earth too and it's dangerous. All the more reason to just say no!

Comment by Bri on January 18, 2014 at 12:09pm
I had this happen to me in college. I was walking to a store and this dude asked me for directions somewhere and when i looked at him he hashis d*** out and a magazine propped up it was disgusting. Then a couple days later same dude different car did it to me again. I called the cops but of course they never caught him.
Comment by SoLuscious on January 18, 2014 at 1:24pm
This must be dumb ballers week.

Comment

You need to be a member of Baller Alert.com to add comments!

Join Baller Alert.com

Ballerific Events

BallerBoards

Guapo - "All Day"

Started by Corey in Talk Ish 1 hour ago. 0 Replies

Continue

Tags: @GuapMode

Beyoncé's New Single 'Formation' Boosted Red Lobster's Sales By 33%

Started by Asimplebijou in Talk Ish. Last reply by LemonDropPop 3 hours ago. 3 Replies

Sales at Red Lobster have reportedly skyrocketed since #Beyonce shouted out the Orlando-based seafood chain in her new single #Formation."When he f--k me good, I take his ass to Red Lobster," Bey…Continue

Boosie Badazz ft. Fresh Porter x JBless "DNA"

Started by Corey in Talk Ish 11 hours ago. 0 Replies

HOT NEW SINGLE OF THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED MIXTAPE "EVERYTHING WAS NECESSARY" BY FRESH PORTER…Continue

Tags: @Iamfreshporter

High School Senior Buys 900 Valentine's Day Flowers For Every Girl In School

Started by Asimplebijou in Talk Ish 18 hours ago. 0 Replies

A high school senior in #Smithfield, #Utah, bought 900 flowers for every girl at his school just in time for #ValentinesDay.Hayden Godfrey, 17, handed out 900 carnations, one to every girl at Sky…Continue

Latest Activity

Corey liked Corey's discussion Guapo - "All Day"
1 hour ago
Corey posted discussions
1 hour ago
Paige_Kendra_ posted a blog post

Young Black Entrepreneurs To Watch In 2016 -blogged by: @Paige_Kendra_

What does the word "entrepreneur" mean to you? Better yet, when you think of successful…See More
2 hours ago
Paige_Kendra_'s blog post was featured

Young Black Entrepreneurs To Watch In 2016 -blogged by: @Paige_Kendra_

What does the word "entrepreneur" mean to you? Better yet, when you think of successful…See More
2 hours ago
SoLuscious commented on Eleven8's blog post Watch Saturday Night Live's "The Day Beyonce Turned Black" Skit (VIDEO)
"Serious question: how is it an ode to her blackness when the lyrics themselves are so basic and…"
3 hours ago
LemonDropPop replied to Asimplebijou's discussion Beyoncé's New Single 'Formation' Boosted Red Lobster's Sales By 33%
"TRUE "
3 hours ago
LemonDropPop replied to Asimplebijou's discussion Beyoncé's New Single 'Formation' Boosted Red Lobster's Sales By 33%
"And this shows me she's not smart as Oprah. She had stock in the company she boosted up before…"
3 hours ago
Eleven8's 7 blog posts were featured
3 hours ago
Eleven8 posted blog posts
3 hours ago
Lauren Flanigan posted a blog post
4 hours ago
Lauren Flanigan's blog post was featured
4 hours ago
Selena commented on Eleven8's blog post Watch Saturday Night Live's "The Day Beyonce Turned Black" Skit (VIDEO)
"This is how some reacted for real. SNL is silky. Lmbo"
5 hours ago

© 2016   Created by Baller Alert.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service