Fake Weed Leads NY Jets' Kellen Winslow To Jail For Masturbating In A Target Parking Lot

On November 19th, Kellen Winslow was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana. We already knew that. What we did not know were the details surrounding his arrest. It involves the search for Boston Market, a lot of Vaseline and Winslow wanking off in a Target parking lot. Reason #43985739 why marijuana should be legal in all states.

Via CBS Sports

"As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was," the report reads. "As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account."

When cops arrived on the scene, they asked Winslow what he was doing and he allegedly told them he was looking for a Boston Market.

The cops said that Winslow had his pants on by the time they found him, although he did apparently have "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console."

Winslow also had, according to the police, empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" and empty bags of "Mr. Happy."

No, this doesn't relate to his "Boston Market excursion." Those are the forms of synthetic marijuana that Winslow was allegedly in possession of; he also allegedly told police that he purchased it from gas stations and on the Internet and smoked it because the NFL doesn't test for it.

Don't do drugs, kids. Unless of course it's from Mother Earth.

Views: 2035

Comment by DJ - A.K.A - DON_JUAN on January 17, 2014 at 4:39pm

lol say what now!?!?!?! O_o

so he went to meet a chick and was beating his d*** when she walked up to the truck?? lmao wow

Comment by MsPretty92 on January 17, 2014 at 5:19pm
My freak ass probably would of sat there and watched smh
Comment by GoalDigging on January 17, 2014 at 7:45pm
I would've recorded him.
Comment by TawnyBaby on January 17, 2014 at 9:23pm
Well....
Comment by Carla Jenkins on January 18, 2014 at 11:26am

The weed (fake or real), jerking off in the parking lot and the lady walking by when all she wants is something from Target is too much. I think that drugs made Kellen do this!

Regarding the whole drug disclaimer, cocaine comes from Mother Earth too and it's dangerous. All the more reason to just say no!

Comment by Bri on January 18, 2014 at 12:09pm
I had this happen to me in college. I was walking to a store and this dude asked me for directions somewhere and when i looked at him he hashis d*** out and a magazine propped up it was disgusting. Then a couple days later same dude different car did it to me again. I called the cops but of course they never caught him.
Comment by SoLuscious on January 18, 2014 at 1:24pm
This must be dumb ballers week.

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