True story, a waitress at a bar and grill spot walks up to a group of four gorgeous women out celebrating their respective promotions. The women, all in their early 30s, take a minute to acknowledge the waitress as each of them are sharing details of their successful salary negotiation tactics. One woman's name is Rachel, she'd just made partner at her law firm. After a few moments the waitress looks at Rachel and says, "Congratulations miss, the gentleman at the bar sends his congrats as well, thinks you are very beautiful and has invited you to go ahead and buy him a drink to celebrate." The four women sat in silence, eyeing the bright-eyed waitress in disbelief. "Are you serious?" Rachel asked.
"I'm just the messenger," the waitress responded, sensing tension.
"You tell that very handsome man over there that I'll pay for his drink if he pays for our entire tab tonight- and we're not done drinking. Go tell him that!"
Rachel and her three girlfriends watch the waitress walk back over to the man then deliver the message. The man looks at their table, then shakes his head in disbelief, gets up and leaves. Rachel looks at her three friends and says, "See, that's what I'm contending with! I make well over six figures a year, have my own home and properties, drive a new model Mercedes and work my ass off. I don't need a man for s*** but I still can't find one to be with. That motherfucka wouldn't even buy me a drink? What the f***?"
Rachel's story is the tale for many successful, attractive career women. Though eye catching and available, you'd be surprised how many of them have dating troubles. I get hundreds of emails from women asking the exact same question, "Why don't men pick up the tabs for women anymore?"
There are 10 reasons why men do not pay, today I'll share 3 just to let you draw some conclusions of your own as well.
- Changing times. Women have climbed the ladder of success since the Suffrage Movement. Today many women make just as much or more money than men. Ironically, men are aware of this fact.
- Ms. Independent. Congrats to this "persona" for letting men off the hook. She makes money, can pay her own bills, is loved by Beyonce and Ne-Yo, tells men all the time that she does not need anyone! Guess what? Men believe her.
- Poor Ho Syndrome. It's not that men don't pay for things anymore, they just do not pay for YOU. Some of you dames just don't act, look or even think you are worth a price. You want to be "priceless" in the eyes of men because you are scared of the effects of money! This means that you have subliminally concluded that men view money as an obstacle to you. So you pretend that money means nothing to you as if cash is an evil spirit. You try NOT to act like a gold digger so men won't look at you as a "user." You want to be viewed as genuine, compassionate and supportive so you don't ask much of men other than kind words and companionship. You tell men you don't want much in hopes that they will give you more out of the goodness of their hearts and their demonstrated "love" or "lust" for you. In other words, if you can get a man to give more than kind words and companionship, into the realm of gifts and even financial support without you ever really asking for such things- these men validate you on multiple levels. It says to you that you are worth it, you have influence and that the man did it because he wanted to. I've seen countless relationships end with women saying, "I never asked for you to spend all that money on me!" While the guy is screaming, "What about the money I gave you, the car, the rent or mortgage payment, the jewelry...did you think I was just doing that s*** for free?" Poor Ho syndrome ends badly. It's nothing more than an attempt by women of this type to draw men into their fantasy (without telling men) of being chosen, worth something, all validated by men doing emotional and financial favors without ever being asked by women. It's a chaotic illusion. How "romantic" that thought must be. Yet when things do not happen, Poor Ho syndrome leaves a woman asking, "How can I get men to do financially relevant favors for me?" It's like they set the Poor Ho bed and are stuck lying in it for free! From my Rich Hos to you....
- Start High, Sell High: Rich hos don't even look like they don't cost money. Men understand from the start that they need to impress. These women wear entitlement complexes gracefully. When the check comes to the table they don't offer to pay, look at their purses or even bother to check the tab to see how much dinner and drinks are. They order without checking with their date what the "budget" is. If a man dares ask them to pay half of anything, that will be the last question he gets to ask.
- Men Pay. Rich Hos know that when a man is impressed, he works hard to impress. If not you, it will be another b**** he deems worth his time and money. When with a man ask him who his dream date or celebrity crush is. He will share the names of gorgeous women. Then ask yourself, "Would he tell her to pay half of the bill?" No he would not. So why is he asking you to pay? Rich women know this. These women position themselves on a pedestal. Poor Hos wait to be placed on one by men via kind words and companionship but find out where they stand when the bill comes and he says, "You got this one right?"
- Truth Frees. "I don't pay on dates. That's just not how I am." Simple, direct and unapologetic. Rich Hos can say this without a lump in their throat in fear that men will go away and find a cheaper broad. Rich Hos know they are worth it. They set the precedence and never negotiate their stance on this issue. Poor Hos doubt their ability to live up to expectations men have that don't mind pulling out the plastic (that's credit card for you dumb hos out there).