For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
Many have been speculating over Frank Ocean's sexuality in the past few days after a blogger reviewed his "Channel Orange" album and mentioned that there were a few songs where Frank's love interested was sung as "him" and not "her". Well, wonder no more, Frank Ocean wrote a heartfelt tearjerker of a blog about his first love. A guy, just like him.
Whoever you are, wherever you are… I’m starting to think we’re a lot alike. Human beings spinning on blackness. All wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to. My loved ones are everything to me here. In the last year or 3 I’ve screamed at my creator. Screamed at clouds in the sky. For some explanation. Mercy maybe. For peace of mind to rain like Manna somehow. 4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday almost. and on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I’d see him, and his smile. I’d hear his conversation and his silence. Until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. There was no escaping. No negotiating with the feeling. No choice. It was my first love. It changed my life. Back then, my mind would wander to the women I had been with, the ones I cared for and thought I was in love with. I reminisced about the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager… The ones I played when I experienced a girlfriend for the first time. I realized they were written in a language I did not yet speak. I realized too much too quickly. I imagine being thrown from a plane. I wasn’t in a plane though. I was in a Nissan Maxima. The same care I packed up with bags and drove to Los Angeles in. I sat there and told my friend how I felt. I wept as the words left my mouth. I grieved for them. Knowing I could never take them back for myself. He patted my back. He said kind things. He did his best, but he wouldn’t admit the same. He had to go back inside soon. It was late and his girlfriend was waiting for him upstairs. He wouldn’t tell me the truth about his feelings for me for another 3 years. I felt like I’d only imagined reciprocity for years. Now imagine being thrown from a cliff. No, I wasn’t on a cliff, I was still in my car telling myself it was gonna be fine and to take deep breaths. I took the breaths and carried on. I kept up a peculiar friendship with him because I couldn’t imagine keeping up my life without him. I struggled to master myself and my emotions. I wasn’t always successful.
The dance went on.. I kept the rhythm for several summers after. It’s winter now. I’m typing this on a plane back to Los Angeles from New Orleans. I flew home for another marred Christmas. I have a windowseat. It’s December 27, 2011. By now I’ve written two albums. This being the second. I wrote to keep myself busy and sane. I wanted to create worlds that were rosier than mine. I tried to channel overwhelming emotions. I’m surprised at how far all of it has taken me. Before writing this I’d told some people my story. I’m sure these people kept me alive. Kept me safe… Sincerely. These are the folks I wanna thank from the floor of my heart. Everyone of you knows who you are… Great humans. Probably angels. I don’t know what happens now, and that’s alrite. I don’t have any secrets I need kept anymore. Like it…as much as I do sometimes. I never was. I don’t think I could ever be. Thanks. To my first love. I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I hoped for and even though it was never enough. It was. Some things never are.. and we were. I won’t forget you. I won’t forget the summer. I’ll remember who I was when I met you. I’ll remember who you were and how we’ve both changed and stayed the same. I’ve never had more respect for life and living than I have right now. Maybe it takes a near death experience to feel alive. Thanks. To my mother. You raised me strong. I know I’m only brave because you were first… So thank you. All of you. For everything good. I feel like a free man. If I listen closely.. I can hear the sky falling too. (transcribed by Miss Dimplez)
I personally am happy that Frank Ocean came out. He literally just made history in the course of a night. He comes out of the closet on his first album, not by force, not by suspicion, but by choice. He's a black male and we know how black men are about other black men being gay. He pours his soul out in a letter to fans, rather than denying it and he reigns supreme as the first active and openly gay/bi man in hip hop. You go Frank! That took courage. I'm not mad at all! But could you at least let Anderson Cooper have a week to be gay first?
Comment by mese on July 4, 2012 at 4:29am
Comment by DdoubleD on July 4, 2012 at 7:40am It makes me sick that someone feels like they have to live in "the closet". We as whole need to become more accepting, if someone's gay they're just gay. I'd rather someone come out and say it then live their life on DL.
Comment by blackfujones on July 4, 2012 at 8:54am lol..oh b*******.I just witnessed not more than a day ago folks bashing the dude on here...ill wait for the fake YOU GO FRANK posts.
Anywho, noone gives a s*** if you come out. County tax is above 13%, my state tax is around 10% and kids are running around here with ak47's here in chicago.
Comment by BabyBallerCheeks on July 4, 2012 at 8:59am I am amazed by Frank Ocean. His bravery, his candor and his vulnerability shows the trait of a real man. Shout out to his friends as well for holding on to this secret. However, I think ALL hipsters are by (I thought that was in the hipster rule book or something)
As for Anderson Cooper, did he need to come out the closet? I mean, REAAALLLY. He might as well prance around in a purple lipstick and a feather boa. He never seemed straight to me.
Comment by JustMe on July 4, 2012 at 9:21am
Comment by Sissy on July 4, 2012 at 10:13am Good for him. I don't care if he is or he isn't. Hell, I don't care if anybody is or isn't.
I'm just happy that he came out so now all the women who may be interested in him can make informed decisions about dealing with him. The rest of these dudes need to tell the truth too.
Comment by SACK CHASER on July 4, 2012 at 10:56am never got into his music, so i guess I could careless about his sexual preference.
It looks like he made the right choice.. now he can be free and live his life!
Comment by SACK CHASER on July 4, 2012 at 10:56am The above blog was beautifully written. He painted a beautiful picture..
Comment by Eleven8 on July 4, 2012 at 10:58am @Sack Chaser, after reading that blog go listen to Frank Ocean's "Thinking Bout You". Now I know what/who that song is about.
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