He Cheated, You Stayed, He Cheated Again, Now What?

When you stick it out with a man who's cheating, do you forfeit your right to complain about his actions later?

 

Let's say you are in what you believe to be a serious relationship with a man. You find things that lead you to believe he's been unfaithful. You confront him about it and he admits that he's cheated and promises he will change. You believe him, you pray on it and you promise to move forward in your relationship. Unfortunately he did not hold up his end of the bargain, he continued to cheat. You complain about him cheating, but do you have the right to, seeing as you let him slide the first time?

 

You can look at it two ways. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. When that second chance is given, however, can you really get mad if he does it again? Some say yes. You put your trust in him and he gave you his word that he wouldn't. Unless he took the DMX approach and told you straight up that he's going to cheat and there is nothing you can do about it, he left you with the impression that he made a mistake and it was over. If he makes the same mistake twice, hell yeah you can get mad. 

 

The other side of the coin would argue that people will only do what you allow them to do and if you allowed him to "get away" with it the first time, he's going to do it again. In fact, he's going to do it ALL the time and just hit you with an apology, excuse and a promise like he did before. You know why? Because you've already proven that it works. At this point, you can't really be mad at him for cheating and you should find something else to become upset over.

  

I had this conversation with friends. Most didn't admit to being the first example of women, although we've all been there. One made a great point, that sometimes it's easier to keep working on that 1000 piece puzzle, than to throw it away and just start a new one. Relationships are definitely 1000 piece puzzles. Too complex for any one person to easily comprehend but I do want to know your thoughts on the subject. Do you have the right to be upset with a man for cheating once you/ve stuck it out the first time? 

 

Views: 7510

Tags: cheated, relationships

Comment by SoFyne Syx on April 4, 2012 at 12:08pm
It's Not Worth It! Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me, Fool Me For The Third Time Then I'm Just A Dumb B! Speaking From Experience......
Comment by Honeycoated on April 4, 2012 at 12:16pm

Do you have the right to be upset with a man for cheating once you/ve stuck it  out the first time?
nope. You can only be mad at yourself.

Comment by Tracy on April 4, 2012 at 12:26pm

Depends on the circumstances surrounding the first cheating episode. 

Comment by SoFyne Syx on April 4, 2012 at 12:38pm
Yes it does Tracy, I think it does! If it was a problem in the relationship I can forgive but, if our relationship is (seems) to be going well and your @ss just out there just doing it for sport that's unforgiving...
Comment by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on April 4, 2012 at 12:44pm

Yes, you have a right. I personally don't stay after the first time. An apology and promise have never meant shyt to me coming out of a man's mouth. Now...had he had Kolbe's pockets and came out his pocket with $4 million cash, I'm staying right there.

Second time he cheats, I'm taking his azz to the cleaners. And before the men start bytching make sure you flip that script and remind yourselves that if you EVER caught your woman cheating you'd put her azz out butt nekkid if the law would allow you. So hush up all that: 'Why does the woman get half' shyt. Because turn the tables and a cheating wife wouldn't even get half.

Comment by Baller Alert on April 4, 2012 at 2:14pm

If you asked a man this.. the Blog would read She Cheated, I Left... The End.

Comment by Sheli on April 4, 2012 at 3:40pm

@BOSS --EXACTLY!! He wouldn't eve want to hear the explanation nor what you'd do to fix it. 

In the past I gave second chances, but after the second time we're done. There's no working it out, I don't want to hear that it a mistake or whatever excuse you had, Repeated mistakes become habit and repeated excuses become lies.

Comment by Nene2 Live on April 4, 2012 at 3:55pm

~it's bettet to forgive than to forget... i agree with Sheli @ the mistakes and then lies.

Comment by Miss Good on April 4, 2012 at 4:54pm
I actually believe both. I once used to think "if a man cheats, im leaving, poimt blank period" but i dont think that way anymore. I believe all men cheat and if not all then some. If im just dating a man, he cheats, i forgive him, he does it again, then ill get what i want out of him Nd bounce. But if its my husband, theres a diff story. I saw a post on here where someone said if hes doing it in your face its wrong but if he keeps his hoes in check its diff and i can see that point. I dont condone cheating but it would reeeeally depend on the basis of the relAtionship.
Comment by zaniya on April 4, 2012 at 5:59pm

I have been in the situation. My motto is either stay quiet or leave. Why? Because He cheated now you either stay with him (for whatever reason) and do not always bring it up;otherwise in his eyes you will sound like you are nagging. Now you are tagged the bitter (_____) woman. If you leave you have your piece of mind and you can do you. But at the end of the day it is up to you. Unfourtanately men view cheating different if it is the WOMAN who does it.

What did I do? We are not together now, but I stayed. I loved my accesories (if you know what I mean). Why are we not together now...I needed the piece of mind. Great Post!

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