Comment by MYPRESISBLACK!!! on January 26, 2009 at 7:16pm

Hmmmm, deep revelations girl.

Comment by S0 F L Y Y on January 26, 2009 at 10:21pm

I feel you whohotterthanme.

The signature on my text messages reads: </3 heartless

I have more to say on this... so I will be back but right now I'm supposed to be doing grad work. =(

Comment by $o $oft N $o $weet on January 27, 2009 at 6:56am

Been there...I think the majority of us all have been there.....

" Don't make someone a priority when your just their option".....no truer words have been written......that's why I maintain many options......if you behave like you couldn't care less if the particular man was in your life, they'll bend over backwards for you, but the moment you slip and and show how much you care it's like, in the words of Eddie Murphy in Raw, "I got this mother f*cker now".....I've learned that you have to be somewhat heartless....I'm old school as well, believing that my man is supposed to lead so I tend to be somewhat submissive (clutch the pearls)....I can not stand a weak a** man that I can walk all over.... so like WHTM & SO Flyy, Imma do me, remaining independent & heartless until the right one comes along......

Comment by Sugar on January 27, 2009 at 7:34am

@ whohotterthsnme....I hear you. There is someone out there for all of us.

Comment by Sugar on January 27, 2009 at 7:37am

@ So Soft N So Sweet lmao @ Raw because what Eddie Murphy said is so true. I believe I can be submissive if he is leading the proper way. Don't think you can do anything and I must still go along with it or look the other way. I will not submit to someone still fighting their own demons, because then how can you really purely lead?

Comment by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on January 27, 2009 at 9:02am

at some point in cycle of heartbreak you have to look at you and find what's wrong with you...I see a lot of my friens with these issues and they keep asking why - ITS YOU, not them...you choose them, you stayed with them, you gave them your heart, you over looked the signs - you, not them...I look at my friends who've suffered very little (like myself) and its the same thing - ITS YOU

Women and men go into relationships with the hurt still very real from their last and they continue to let it build and snowball...I tend to have a lot of time between relationships because I believing in healing and learning first, and it takes me awhile to say this man is worthy of my heart...more women need to learn to love with their heads and then their hearts...and some men should not be loved with your heart, period - listen to Jay...
I will never become heartless because I won't allow any man to take away my energy...

Comment by Seductress on January 27, 2009 at 9:49am

I would consider myself a heartless chick but Im not exactly sure why? I am the type that likes to have a man around always, when I find myself getting attached to a man I usually go with the flow for a little while but usually he shows his ass and then I'm like alright I see how you are, so I'm gonna be heartless about the situ. So I sit back, relax, collect the good, ignore the bad, and do me. Right now I dont think there's any man out there who deserves my heart so therefore Im not giving my heart out to anyone at the moment. I am in a relationship with a man at the moment but its not really going to go any further than where it is at the moment and Im okay with that. Im heartless because 1.) men want what they cant have 2.) there are just some things that arent right about him and things that are so right about him, so I figure why throw the baby out with the bathwater 3.) Being heartless prevents you from being hurt 4.)By being heartless it is acknowledging the fact that like you said I check single when I file my taxes. I am single because Im not married so if other opportunities (better ones) come my way I would want to explore them. Im not saying its right to be heartless actually its probably wrong but Im young, Im learning, Im doing me, so whatever.

Comment by Ali Sin (formerly No Name Cutie) on January 27, 2009 at 10:55am

Nope, not heartless, because I still believe in love... BUT, I am much more selective about who I choose to date. Any little sign of something wrong and I'm out! Plus I've been so spoiled (not financially) by my boo that no one I've met come close to being half the man he is. So no, I'm not heartless, just done with the BS!

( If someone is worth having you they will prove it and make and effort)

I really like this cause it's exactly how I feel. If a guy doesn't feel the need to pursue me properly, then he isn't worth me.

I'll add more this evening when I get out of class, but this is just a bit of what I'm feeling right now...

Comment by Izm on January 27, 2009 at 2:48pm

Interesting exchange. I'd feel sympathetic if I was capable of such an emotion toward this subject. As the lone male voice to respond, I'll just offer my side of the story with the hopes that it will provide some insight. I'm less than heartless and unapologetic for it. To me, why should I be? As far as I'm concerned, the same monsters you hate, are the ones you've had a hand in creating. Women complain about men, but a LOT of woman, and in this case black women, are REAL losers. And I mean that in the harshest way possible.

By all accounts I'm a nice guy and a compassionate person. I've always been that way, and frankly, with black women that's the rub. Starting in High School I made a consciuos effort to have myself together. I played ball, made honor roll, and was as popular as I needed to be to have a good high school experiece. For my efforts I was labeled a "nice guy". Cute, but a "nice guy" none the less. The statement "People want what they can't have" has some merit to it. For me, that meant sistas with an edge. Not "hood" per se, but with an edge. Problem being, I did'nt sell drugs, did'nt have a record (be it criminal or a record "deal"), refused to "sag" my jeans, and carried myself with some level of dignity and self respect. That translates into being a "nice guy" or "smart guy", and such distinctions don't help you socially. It was'nt until I graduated college that I received any real positive reinforcement from sistas who were'nt family. The comments of support and motiviation came from everywhere else. My girlfriend in high school was pissed I went off to college. My girlfriend in college was pissed that I started a business right out of school instead of focusing on her. Go figure?

Guys are more sensitive than they let on. While women brush such offenses off, they tend to stick with guys longer than women may know. Particularly guys who are of the "nice" variety. So even though you try to be the best that you can be, you feel less than what you are for not being a thug, which is simultaneously confusing. You are indeed at the bottom of the food chain.

Well surprise, surprise.... It's a decade later and guess what? I run into women from back in the day all the time. Their thug is locked up, or will be shortly. Of course he did'nt get locked up before he found time to leave a kid or two with them. They never finished college, or if they did, they're not really pushing the career envelope. The kids and accompanying lifestyle have them lookin "extra thick", and it's clear from what they're wearing that they want everyone to notice. Even though things may not seem different to them, they're different to me. Now the "nice guy"/"smart guy" owns the building they live in, and the one they Mama lives in to. They've got a cousin tryin hard to get into another one of his apartment buildings. All of a sudden he's a great catch and they basically throw themselves at him whenever they get the chance. Such opportunities are endless. Only thing is that other than the physical, I don't want much of anything to do with you sista. Why would I? For the majority of my struggle you have been the bain of my existance. My hats off to the sistas out there that are actually tryin to prop their men up, and looking for the same in return. Most of the women you hear complaining don't have anything, are'nt about much, never were, and are upset when this type of scenario comes back to bite them. Please... I for one, will not shed a tear.

The majority of brothas out there have become very skilled at taking liberties they are not entitled to. There's no better example of this than how they treat sistas. At the same time, sistas have to swallow the fact that the person responsible is the face in the mirror. You turn your backs on decent dudes to go after deadbeats. Hey, you pick em, you deal with em. You like it, I love it.


Less Than Heartless One

Comment by S0 F L Y Y on January 27, 2009 at 3:25pm

& Izm while I understand your point why should the sistas who didn't neglect you get hurt in the end?

You said yourself you wanted the girl w/ the edge in high school... what about the naturally out-going church girl that sat in the front row on the left? Lol. My story: I was smart, (no edge here) talented, funny, straight up, outgoing & a church girl. I wanted the nerd. I wanted the honor roll athlete... could I get him? Nope. He was worried about the girl that thought she was too good for him anyway. Didn't have my 1st boyfriend til college. Fast forward a decade... now that I've done what I do... put myself in public arenas... doing better than most of the women in my collective age circle I can pull attention from most dudes, yet due to the circumstances of the past I remain heartless. Not b/c I can't get over what happened in school... I'm over that. But it's the foundation of what I deal w/ now... now that dude that was a go-getter like yourself Izm... has been through college gotten played once, twice or a few times and I end up dealing w/ the shell of a man that is left behind.

I refuse.
Therefore it is what it is, </3.

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