Heartless Pt Deux

Comment by Izm on January 27, 2009 at 2:48pm

Interesting exchange. I'd feel sympathetic if I was capable of such an emotion toward this subject. As the lone male voice to respond, I'll just offer my side of the story with the hopes that it will provide some insight. I'm less than heartless and unapologetic for it. To me, why should I be? As far as I'm concerned, the same monsters you hate, are the ones you've had a hand in creating. Women complain about men, but a LOT of woman, and in this case black women, are REAL losers. And I mean that in the harshest way possible.

By all accounts I'm a nice guy and a compassionate person. I've always been that way, and frankly, with black women that's the rub. Starting in High School I made a consciuos effort to have myself together. I played ball, made honor roll, and was as popular as I needed to be to have a good high school experiece. For my efforts I was labeled a "nice guy". Cute, but a "nice guy" none the less. The statement "People want what they can't have" has some merit to it. For me, that meant sistas with an edge. Not "hood" per se, but with an edge. Problem being, I did'nt sell drugs, did'nt have a record (be it criminal or a record "deal"), refused to "sag" my jeans, and carried myself with some level of dignity and self respect. That translates into being a "nice guy" or "smart guy", and such distinctions don't help you socially. It was'nt until I graduated college that I received any real positive reinforcement from sistas who were'nt family. The comments of support and motiviation came from everywhere else. My girlfriend in high school was pissed I went off to college. My girlfriend in college was pissed that I started a business right out of school instead of focusing on her. Go figure?

Guys are more sensitive than they let on. While women brush such offenses off, they tend to stick with guys longer than women may know. Particularly guys who are of the "nice" variety. So even though you try to be the best that you can be, you feel less than what you are for not being a thug, which is simultaneously confusing. You are indeed at the bottom of the food chain.

Well surprise, surprise.... It's a decade later and guess what? I run into women from back in the day all the time. Their thug is locked up, or will be shortly. Of course he did'nt get locked up before he found time to leave a kid or two with them. They never finished college, or if they did, they're not really pushing the career envelope. The kids and accompanying lifestyle have them lookin "extra thick", and it's clear from what they're wearing that they want everyone to notice. Even though things may not seem different to them, they're different to me. Now the "nice guy"/"smart guy" owns the building they live in, and the one they Mama lives in to. They've got a cousin tryin hard to get into another one of his apartment buildings. All of a sudden he's a great catch and they basically throw themselves at him whenever they get the chance. Such opportunities are endless. Only thing is that other than the physical, I don't want much of anything to do with you sista. Why would I? For the majority of my struggle you have been the bain of my existance. My hats off to the sistas out there that are actually tryin to prop their men up, and looking for the same in return. Most of the women you hear complaining don't have anything, are'nt about much, never were, and are upset when this type of scenario comes back to bite them. Please... I for one, will not shed a tear.

The majority of brothas out there have become very skilled at taking liberties they are not entitled to. There's no better example of this than how they treat sistas. At the same time, sistas have to swallow the fact that the person responsible is the face in the mirror. You turn your backs on decent dudes to go after deadbeats. Hey, you pick em, you deal with em. You like it, I love it.


Less Than Heartless One

Comment by S0 F L Y Y on January 27, 2009 at 3:25pm

& Izm while I understand your point why should the sistas who didn't neglect you get hurt in the end?

You said yourself you wanted the girl w/ the edge in high school... what about the naturally out-going church girl that sat in the front row on the left? Lol. My story: I was smart, (no edge here) talented, funny, straight up, outgoing & a church girl. I wanted the nerd. I wanted the honor roll athlete... could I get him? Nope. He was worried about the girl that thought she was too good for him anyway. Didn't have my 1st boyfriend til college. Fast forward a decade... now that I've done what I do... put myself in public arenas... doing better than most of the women in my collective age circle I can pull attention from most dudes, yet due to the circumstances of the past I remain heartless. Not b/c I can't get over what happened in school... I'm over that. But it's the foundation of what I deal w/ now... now that dude that was a go-getter like yourself Izm... has been through college gotten played once, twice or a few times and I end up dealing w/ the shell of a man that is left behind.

I refuse.
Therefore it is what it is, </3.

Comment by Seductress on January 27, 2009 at 3:37pm

Ummmmm... HOLD UP , why does this have to be a black woman thing?! It seems to me that you're still salty biscuits from high school SMH, who cares about high school anymore???!!! Those people to me (besides the ones I stillt alk to) are irrelevant in my day to day. Secondly you sit up there and talk about you liked girls with an "edge" by that do you mean the hoodrats with the new JO's every month and the matching "urban designer" ensemble to go with it? Those chicks? What about the girl who wore her target clothes but still looked classy, was quiet and a good student you werent thinking about her now were you ?You are the person that you claim you hate. Secondly you sound real ridiculous because everyone is talking about how they're heartless or not due to relevant adult experiences who gives a damn about high school anymore? Are you sure you went to college if you're still this concerned about what happened 10 years ago? It seems to me that somebody whose whole life experience has been enriched and fulfilling this whole time wouldnt care about high school anymore nor would they care about some hoodrat girl who didnt want them because they'd have found several real women during this time and couldnt even remember Shaniqua's name anymore. Also I never heard of a ball player in high school not being able to bag chicks unless 1.) you were riding the bench 2.) on some lame team like the bowling team 3.) not really a baller. I also never heard of a genuinely cute ball player not getting play either you must be 1.) not really attractive back then or now for that point 2.) like i said before not a ball player . All in all you seem like a sad indvivual I can say more about you but Ill leave it here.

Comment by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on January 27, 2009 at 3:50pm

@Izm...people are learning and finding themselves in High School and College...I made plenty of mistakes and when I see those gentlemen I tell them so...I was young, I was dumb...when you know better you do better...I don't think most people know much about themsellves until about 24, and you still don't know ish then...

...when we went to the radio station David Banner said "most women say that want a baller, but aren't willing to put u with the things it takes for him to become one" i.e. all of his focus not being on her...

Comment by Stephbaby on January 27, 2009 at 4:49pm

Sug, where ya been? Great post . It does for some reason (well at least for me) that since Kanye's song came out every dude I know now have no problems claiming that they are heartless. And as for the heartless females out here selling their selves short, I will blame it on the videos & garbage music thats going around now. It seems like more & more women are selling their souls for material sh*t, not sh*t that u NEED but bs that they WANT. Just a thought..

Anywho, I dont believe Im heartless...but to some I may come off as that because of my bluntness not bitterness. Yeah we have all been hurt b4 & it wont be the last, but its a lesson in life to teach you how to deal with it. You live & you learn..hopefully ya a$$ will learn or the cycle will continue.

Comment by Izm on January 27, 2009 at 5:10pm

@ So Flyy - True indeed sis. Well said. Not all dudes got played a few times over in college. It was a good experience for me. It's less about getting played, and more about no longer caring to deal with non sense. I put particular effort into trying not to hurt people. The sistas who payed attention get the best of me.

@ Charlie - Agreed. During our formative years that's what people are doing. At some point, sooner rather than later, you have to break out of it. And people do. What I wrote was'nt to suggest otherwise, but I believe the question was why men/women are walking around heartless now-a-days. My answer was less about me, and more about the fact that this type of thinking takes place in the minds of plent of "good men" out there. Sistas need to be aware, and alert to diffusing this if they come across it. My hope is that the perspective creates thoght. That's all. It's possible to have intelligent discourse, agree or disagree, without the need for insult or degradation - a fact clealy lost on some of those who post here.

@ Seductress - (SMH) Sorry you feel that way. What's worse is that you choose to inject fragments of your own assumptions and credit them to my thinking. What's even worse is that the notion of insight/perspective, as far as where does some of the heartlessness in certain guys come from is lost on you. And looking at the comments from the other sistas, what's absolutly terrible is that you chose a public forum to air your ugliness and ignorance. Best of luck to you, I hope above all else, that if anyone finds or has someone who isn't heartless - it's you. God knows you seem to need to love.

Comment by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on January 27, 2009 at 5:18pm

@izm...true and lol

Comment by Sugar on January 27, 2009 at 6:09pm

@ Charlie I like your response But I will address that in my third and last installment. It's real talk but sometimes people can't help how they feel about a person. I agree the older we get we have to make better choices or deal with the repercussions.

@Izm - We all have to take responsibility for our actions in other words "man up" I've written previously blogs about letting a good man or letting good people care about you and uplift you. Women are sometimes scorned but in my experience Men talk longer to get over hurt. In the installment of this blog I was trying to figure out how these men say that want a good woman but date other wise? Maybe you can elaborate further?I love that fact that you took the time to actually break down how you view things because in many cases woman indeed also bring baggage. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Comment by Sugar on January 27, 2009 at 6:10pm

I'm not heartless but somethings I see people go thru I can't partly understand why people do....But when I say heartless I actually mean you go "numb" to the pain.

Comment by Seductress on January 27, 2009 at 6:24pm

@ izm I'm sorry you're offended by my "ugliness and ignorance" but I think this is a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black. How dare you make a broad brush statement about black women based on your own individual experience. I think I was right on point about you and secondly you can't speak for most men only yourself and your own personal experience. Diffrent men have diffrent reasons for being the way they are same for women. I rarely ever maybe even never have insulted anybody on here but I truly hate it when people try to paint all of some group of people with the same brush.you need to check yourself on that one. I apologize for coming @ you sideways but you really need to edit your own comments as well.

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