Heartless Pt Deux

Comment by Izm on January 28, 2009 at 12:48am

@ Seductress. Sis it's all good. I truly respect the racial aspect of where you are coming from, and any part of it that came across ugly or otherwise, is covered by brotherly love. It's rare that I'm on here, but any time I post something that comes across as negative, I'm not offended by anyone questioning it. I will always respond. My only caveat it's that we try to be good to one another, even in disagreement. The world outside of your front door beats you down everyday. I'm not tryin to come on here and push anyone further down the hill...

The funny thing is our points are actually germane. You see, the reason I specified black women is because that's all I'll deal with. Sistas may have had there low points with me, but I still can't see myself with anything else. I don't want any other type of woman. When a sista decides she's gonna step out and be noticed - It's a wrap. Sistas "have it" and everyone else is just "trying". My conviction on this has lead to several "crossroad" moments, but in the end, I'm not interesed or really attracted to anyone else. I'll ride wit yall to the end, even if some of yall can give a brotha hell. I'm sure some of my points exist in women of other races, but I can't speak to that directly. Furthermore, I went to a private high school. There were very few sistas there. Most of my girlfriends did'nt attend my high school. Given my situation, the edge I spoke about was more in the vain of a woman who is proud of her heritage, not one who is pressing to assimilate into someone elses. For the record, I played varsity football throughout high school, started, and balled. It was'nt that I did'nt have my share of attention. But attention from who? Girls at my high school that were not sistas. I passed. And you're not gonna find a whole lotta brothas that will say the same. I was'nt painting with the broad brush you mistook me for. I've been the one thing that's the primary complaint against brothas... Loyal.

Comment by Izm on January 28, 2009 at 1:36am

@ Sugar - To answer your question. Good women are considered "good women" for a reason. They have an abundance of qualities about them that are, well..., good. Any grown man can recognize this pretty early on, and he puts him self in position to be somehow involved in her life. Sex comes along at some point, and that's where things get tricky. Afterwards, if she's a good woman, you'd hope she's dealing with what she considers to be a good man.

(Please note - This answer is directed to all good women, trying to progress. who act like they've got some sense. Too often sistas allow themselves to become deeply involved with brothas that are too far in the extreme. You can have a man who isn't working - that alone is not extreme. You can have a man who's got a criminal record - that alone isn't too extreme. You can have a man who has three kids and baby mamas - that alone may not be too extreme. HOWEVER, you cannot have a man who does'nt work, has a record, and has three kids and baby mamas. It's too far in the extreme for one individual. A lot of women have allowed this to be acceptable.)

Often times she will be in a frame of mind to have things between them progress, and here's the kicker, more often than not a good woman knows what that entails. The man on the other hand, is often not really there. He thinks he is because the sex is good and yall have that early-stage good chemistry going, but 9 times out of ten he has'nt given serious consideration to what it will require to take the next couple steps in the relationship. I think adults recognize that after a while the novalty of a relationship wears off. And at that point, relationships take effort and commitment. Those are two words that she thought about in the beginning and he did'nt. When it's not as fun anymore... If he did'nt think it through up front... He's gonna cheat. Why? Because the side piece isn't a "good woman", she's a side piece, paid or otherwise. She's fun -- at least she's suppose to be. There's no talk of relationship "work",or bills, or responsibility. It's all about ass, which he equates to "getting away". Not to mention that the side piece tends to be doing things that you have no idea he's in to. Not because he does'nt feel like he can tell you, but because he probably recognizes there are aspects of peoples kinks that can be considered degrading. And if he's gonna degrade someone, it's gonna be the side piece.

That's my answer to your question, that and perhaps even more imprtantly, what I wrote as a side note. If women would'nt accept the next chicks man with such open arms, a lot of cats would have to rethink their game. So men also do it because they have an abundance of willing partners, and for many of them it does'nt matter if he's in a relationship or not.

Comment by a_BilLi on January 28, 2009 at 3:28am

Sug: you say you are trying to live by not making someone your priority when you are only their option. I heard that a while back and it's very true. My new philosophy on relationships now is that I am not gonna miss out on my husband for a boyfriend (or a good lay, or whatever). I've been moving around on ninjas real quick lately. As soon as I see a red flag I'm Casper on his ass.

Comment by Sugar on January 28, 2009 at 7:55am

@ IZM - I love the response. Lmao @ the too extreme ...I feel the same way about that one....It's ok I'm already working with you do OD..

@ A Billi - Girl where have you been ??? lol lmao @ Casper

Comment by LilMIssSunshyne on January 29, 2009 at 1:42pm

ok so I'm new to this but I feel like I'm in a situation relevant to this post. In November my boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up. We had a very rocky few months prior which lead to this. Long story short I found emails txt msgs etc and began to sway away from our bond. I started talking to one guy who is now a close friend and another guy about a week prior to my bf and i breaking up who was fresh out of a 3 yr relationship and was in the process of moving out of his condo he shared with his ex. We spent several days straight together, had a wonderful time and began "talking" we spent the holidays together, did everything.

I was content w/ the situation one because we were both fresh out of situations and two because I didn’t want to rush anything. When I was a lot younger and during college i tended to have a cycle of dating back to back, not really dealing with being single, and to sum it up being young in a lot of respects regarding relationships. But I felt like the rate we were going we would eventually end up there given all the family time we spent together, dates, etc. So I asked him how/when/ if he ever saw something serious happening between us and he said yes eventually. I asked this out of respect for him because I feel like if you’re bringing me around your family and taking me seriously I will drop my bs and my games and put my best foot forward. He told me he felt the same and that we would focus one ach other, taking our time and playing it cool. I mean saying thanks for being understanding about my ex, and you really make me happy I never expected this to happen so soon .Me being me I ask when is eventually? Is that a month, months, a year?

Now this past month he claims being super busy he's starting up another business, we don’t see each other as much which is fine but I feel like he's misleading he says on thing one day then will say he feels pressured or doesn’t know what he wants the next. He then goes on to say it something about my personality he just can put his finger on??? But in the next breath he’s trying to work on something w/ us and its just about timing lol Friends of mine told me not to take him seriously and that he's just for fun you know to do whatever but I took him for what he said he was and what his actions said and began to think otherwise. I don’t like judging people and will give you the benefit of the doubt.

Now here's the issue I’m the kind of girl that once you start to act up or think you've got me because I have a kind heart and do nice things for you I ship you out. I have a real nonchalant fuck it doesn’t matter disposition because I'm not the kind of girl to just deal and make excuses. Actually in a lot of respects my male friends say I think a lot along the lines of a man. I can be very heartless and shut down, I hate allowing emotions because people tend to take them as weaknesses and at my age going on 23 I’m thinking that I should just do me. I like things to be basic not a lot of drama, and for you to be upfront. I don’t like interpreting things they should be as they are. Now the problem is we've slept together done a lot together, but now he's not knowing what he wants and wants to explore his options. But is it wrong for me to just leave him alone because I don’t like being misled. I don’t even take anything for more than what it is but I don’t know...whats some sound advice?

Now here's the issue im the kind of girl that once you start to act up or think you've got me because I have a kind heart and do nice things for you I ship you out. I have a real nonchalant fuck it it doesnt matter disposition because I'm not the kind of girl to just deal and make excuses. Actually in alot of repsetcs my male friends say I think alot along the lines of a man. I like things to be basic not alot of drama, and for you to be upfront. I dont like intepreteing things they should be as they are. Now the problem is we've slept together done alot together, but now he's not knowing what he wants and wants to explore his options. But is it wrong for me to just leave him alone because I dont like being mislead. I dont even take anything for more than what it is but i dont know...whats some sound advice?

Comment by Izm on February 6, 2009 at 1:12am

If he's going to play it like that... Forget what he wants, do what YOU want. Make the decisions that are best for you. If he falls in line, then he's really about staying with you. If he does'nt, then he's letting you know he's not ready to make things work. Don't crumble, don't deviate, don't go back. You'll come out in the best situation - for you as an individual. Somewhere along the line people usually crumble, deviate, or go back... If you can avoid that the truth about the situation will become clearer.

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