How Long Do You Wait For Him To Get His Act Together

Everyone has dreams. Some people desire to finish college and pursue a career, some desire to become an actor or actress, others choose music. What do you do when the person you are dating has desire but never really does anything with it?


Let's say you've been dating a guy. He's perfect. He looks great, the sex is great, you get along perfectly but there's only one problem, he isn't doing much with his life. He has tons of aspirations and dreams but when it comes to getting up and moving out of his parent's crib, that's just not high on his agenda. He means well and believes that one day he's going to make it, it's just that either the drive isn't there or he just doesn't have the know how.


How long do you stay before you give up on him? Do you immediately assume that he's never going to amount to anything and cut him off immediately? Would you stick with him and hope that he gets his act together? Would you help him get his act together? 


I've actually found myself in this situation more times than not and every single time I'm in the situation I always become the girlfriend that tries to help. Sometimes it works in my favor, sometimes I feel like I've wasted my time. I have quite a few ties in the music industry (on an independent scale anyway) and I attract a lot of rappers. The problem with attracting rappers is that they're all "starving artists" and they only want to do music. There's nothing else in the world that they are interested in other than music. They don't care if you like their music, they're going to do it anyway. A lot of times they're misguided and don't even know what to do with their music, but it doesn't matter because they're in that zone. The problem I've always encountered was the starving artist who was the reason he was starving. Didn't work, didn't do much of anything really. He barely worked on his music as it was, but a rapper was who he wanted to be and since I was doing what I wanted to do, who was I to judge? Most times I helped by offering my professional advice and guiding him the best I could. I couldn't go in the booth and spit bars for him nor was I about to post him up on a blog just because he was my boo. But I tried to motivate. Needless to say in my case, he's still where he was a year ago.


Would I do it over again? Hard to say. I can't knock someone's dreams, who am I to do such. I can always try to help, but how long am I supposed to wait? Do I jump ship or go down with it? In my case, I gave it a few months before I got bored and bounced. What would you do?

Views: 4127

Tags: relationships

Comment by Dark~N~Lovely on November 9, 2011 at 10:19am

First of...If a "man" is living with his parents after 18-21 thats a No-Go!  If he is over 30 and still aspiring to be a rapper double Negative!  Becoming a big time rapper or superstar is like winning the lottery.  Its a one in a million chances.  It is so unattractive for a "grown man" to only focus on rapping, ninja you better get a job in the mean time in between time!  Before I was married I had my share of D-boys and loved the lifestyle they provided.  Then I started to realize that  they were either going to jail or falling off at some point in their life.  One day my husband, who was then my bf trying to win me over asked me "Have you ever met a retired Drug dealer"  That was a BIG eye opener for me! Ladies don't waste too much time or you may miss out on your blessing! 

Comment by blackfujones on November 9, 2011 at 10:28am

ladies...i dunno where yall get this "grown man" bs from but most males dont really embrace manhood until their mid to late 20's. So calling a male a grown man at 21 is b*******

Comment by blackfujones on November 9, 2011 at 10:50am

@$pice....its that time males are f******/drinking/and living life. We are nowwhere near manhood.  Manhood is something that comes over time.  I dunno about womanhood, but manhood is not easily achieved.

Comment by luvsmoochez on November 9, 2011 at 1:07pm

I have been in your shoes before and wanted to inspire a man I loved. I would never do that again. It's just something to be said about a person that is 'doing' versus 'trying'. Dreams are dreams unless they are backed up with a plan of action and some hard work, only then can it be a reality. You can't want something more for someone than they want for themselves, so with all your well doing he will be exactly where he was when you met him if he isn't sowing the proper seeds to reep the harvest.

Comment by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on November 9, 2011 at 3:20pm

luvsmoochez +1. I've been here too. Just like you, I waited around a couple months for him to get it together.  He was coming up on 30 and still talking about what he wanted to do, go to college, but not making any strides to go. So I bounced.

Comment by WHATDAHELL on November 10, 2011 at 7:01am

actions speak louder than words. if you see honest attempts and failures/small steps of progress, u stay. if you just hear words coming out of his mouth with no action whatsoever, u bounce.

Comment by Sasha Dolla on November 10, 2011 at 12:01pm

Hmm lets see. Where do I begin... Back in the day when I was younger (18-23) I agreed with giving someone a fair chance regardless of their income or their personal accomplishments in life. That was during the time when I was not on the level that i wanted to be on, so I was ok with compromising. Well now that I am older (26) there is no way in hell I can be with someone who doesnt have their s*** together or doesnt know what they are going to do in life. Its harder once your older to be willing to wait on someone to get their s*** together, especially if your close to your goals. nine times out of ten it will end in him being jealous, or envying the fact that your a go getter, or leaving you for someone who can provide him with more, and has more patience than you. Or some young chic who is just flat out stupid.

Comment by SoLuscious on June 28, 2013 at 11:50am

a man in his 20s should be allowed to do whatever they want to do, approaching 30, he should be preparing for his 30s. In his 30's he should be at very least, starting in his career, have a home, have a car, and have a grown man mentality. Its unrealistic to expect all of that from a 22 year old.

Comment by London Void on June 28, 2013 at 2:21pm

Any man that God intends for you to be with, you don't have to wait until he has it together, because he would have came with it together. Ladies, we have to stop selling ourselves short for these no good a## men. Girl please keep it moving.

Comment by PeachSoda_ on June 28, 2013 at 8:13pm

If you're not where I think you should be according to your conversation... I'm not biting. Period.

The worst thing in the world is for a man to sound intelligent .... but aint bout s***. Go snatch you up a cutie that doesn't know her worth, who is willing to "support" you. Thanks.


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