The Do's and Don'ts of Being A Jump-Off...

A question has been racking my brain for sometime now. How do you go from being the "Bust It Baby" to Breaking Windows? From Cutty Buddy to Crazy B-tch? From a Jump Off to the Jealous One? I never quite understood it but its happening more and more everyday. From Tiger Woods to Fantasia Barrino, we've seen both ends of the jump off and what can happen when the proper precautions are not taken. Today I will give you the guide on Jump-Off etiquette.

 

 

♥ 1 - ESTABLISH THE RULES♥: From the beginning there should be an understanding of the relationship so that no one eventually gets hurt. You should ask your partner, Is this a monogamous relationship? Are you the girl on the side? Who calls/texts who? You know, the important stuff. You can't go breaking up a happy (or unhappy) home all because you THOUGHT somehow someway that you were the "wifey" when in actuality it was clear he was not interested in a relationship with you, just pure sex.

 

 

♥ 2 - STAY IN YOUR LANE♥: After the rules and regulations have been established it is important that you stay in your lane. Mentally remind yourself that you are not the girlfriend and more than likely never will be. Do not allow "LOVE" to come into play. You definitely do not want to begin doing girlfriend things with him if that is not your status. That means absolutely no dates, no movies, limiting the phone calls and no unnecessary family involvement. Again, your goal is NOT to break up a happy home or cause any type of unnecessary drama. Your goal is to get yours and let him get his!

 

 

♥ 3 - KEEP IT CLEAN♥ After every exit, clean up after yourself. Don't leave any personal items behind. Be a courteous side piece. That means before checking out the door, verify that all ear rings, shoes, toiletries, sex tapes, etc are in tow. Nobody likes a messy jump off. Cleaning your tracks will guarantee that you get continuous peen out of the deal.

 

 

♥ 4 - THIS NEVER SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY♥ This means no instagram, no facebook, and no proclaiming your love on twitter. In an age where we find ourselves venting on social networking sites you must be extremely cautious to make sure you don't let the cat out of the bag. Girlfriends are extremely sneaky and will jump to the conclusion if given even an inch of valuable information. Again, always remember, if you want to continue to get your guaranteed peen you must keep "Girlfriend" happy so that HE stays happy!

 

 

♥ 5 - DON'T GET MAD ♥: So what he doesn't call you as many times as you like? So what he doesn't even claim you in public? So what yall have been bumpin' uglies for 6 months and he goes out and gets him a girlfriend without saying a thing to you? SO F'IN WHAT!?!?Take some time to sit down and remind yourself that in the beginning it was not decided that the relationship between you two would be anything but physical. Why would he want the cow if he can have all the milk he wants for free. If that bothers you, don't get mad....get gone!

 

 

♥ 6 - BE PREPARED♥: If his girlfriend catches you, have your lie ready. If he forgot the condoms, have your own. A true bust it baby should be prepared for any foreseeable events that may occur. Remember safe sex is great sex and it's even better when you don't have to worry about a psycho girlfriend coming at your neck with a machete!

 

 

♥ 7 - DON'T BE FANTASIA♥ Even though you are a jump-off it doesn't mean that you don't have things to lose. Don't by any means jeopardize your family, career or sanity for the sake of any man. Absolutely do NOT call his girlfriend being ratchet, do NOT get his name tattooed on you and do NOT try to kill yourself by overdosing on Flintstone vitamins once sh-t hits the fan!

 

 

♥ 8 - DON'T GET DICKMATIZED♥: Penis can be purchased from nearly any local retailer. Schlong can be found on any corner. Don't sweat the small stuff. If he aint doing what you like, how you like and when you like..Get your like'in ass on! If he is the best thing crackin', knows how to bend it, flip it and throw it down....but his personality is wack...feel free to move around. HE is not and will not be the last man standing, always remember there is more where that came from!

 

 

♥ 9 -GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE DEAL♥ Don't let HIM be the only one to benefit from the arrangement. If you had to miss work because he blew ur back out the night before, and if you're always working on HIS time, remember that you are only as valuable as you make yourself out to be. It's okay to ask for gas money if he's inviting you over to his house. It's also okay to tell him to do that little thing YOU like for a change. If you can't have his heart, at least get a double cheeseburger.

 

 

♥ 10 - IT COULD HAPPEN 2 U ♥: Always Always ALWAYSkeep in mind that karma is a b-tch. If you do decide to mess with a man that has a girl remember it could happen to you. Your p-ssy aint golden, otherwise you wouldnt be the side-piece. If you are prepared to just chalk it up and take the "L" in life then proceed at your own discretion. For the ladies that don't mess with men that have girls, but still choose to be a jump-off don't expect a ring anytime soon. Don't expect ANYTHING anytime soon. If its a relationship you want, go out and get a man that wants the same!

 

 

And there you have it ladies and whores! Play it safe!

 

Views: 7630

Comment by Denise on April 30, 2012 at 10:07am
Funny but very accurate......and ladies please read all the way to #10. Because it is the kicker!
Comment by Phoenix on April 30, 2012 at 10:56am

*walks away from @ Old Spice*

Comment by Eleven8 on April 30, 2012 at 11:03am

@Old Spice, that may be the subject of another blog

Comment by SoLuscious on April 30, 2012 at 11:38am

lamoooo @ "Flintstone vitamins"

Comment by Love is a Losing Game on April 30, 2012 at 12:15pm

This pic of jay and rhi gets me every time! Clearly she does not know her place.

Comment by McKenna Hylton on April 30, 2012 at 1:02pm

This is like the jumpoff handbook...I have applied variations of these rules in 99% of my relationships and they always work

Comment by mavsbabe41 on April 30, 2012 at 1:05pm

Lmfao. I died at the "flintstone vitamin" part AND the pic of Jay and Rhi. XP

Comment by PlaneJaneLane on April 30, 2012 at 1:43pm

Clearly Rhi was not aware of her place.

Comment by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on April 30, 2012 at 2:47pm

I love these. The problem with the jump offs these days is that they want to usurp wifey's place never realizing that there is power in the place they are in. Fugg the hand rocking the cradle. The chick that rocks his world the right way will rule the man.

Comment by marissa taylor on May 1, 2012 at 1:24am

This is too funny ... but true facts indeed !

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