What Basketball Wives Taught Me: How To Date A Younger Man

This blog was inspired by this week’s episode of Basketball Wives LA and the relationship between Draya (29) and Orlando Scandrick (26) and while the age gap in itself does not seem far off the truth is, when it comes to thoughts on marriage, these two are worlds away. 

Let’s take what we learned on this week’s episode. At the time of filming, the two had been dating for 6 months. It was a huge enough deal for the two to have a 6 month anniversary. Orlando pulled out a small box and unfortunately for Draya, it was not the engagement ring she had been hoping for. It was then that Orlando had to remind her, he wants to get married — just not right now. Draya on the other hand is in love and feels like marriage is something she wants — RIGHT NOW! Even though the two had only been dating 6 months.  Mentally, Draya and Orlando are on two different planets. Draya is a 29 year old woman who’s been around the block already and is tired of it. She has a kid who older, she has a good looking man, she’s got a career, and she’s just trying to cap it off with a fat ring and a ceremony. Many women who fit this description have probably picked their wedding dresses and honeymoon destinations long before they even had a boyfriend. 

Now let’s take a look at Orlando. He’s 26. In woman years that’s 21. He is enjoying life. He has a kid but the child’s mother is responsible for the day to day upbringing of her so Orlando doesn’t have to worry about the responsibilities much. He probably likes to party, obviously likes to flirt and just isn’t in a position to be walking down the aisle just yet. He is enjoying the glitter and gold that life has to offer. He has a sexy woman, and right now he wants to enjoy just that — a sexy woman. Of course he may have considered marriage, may have even proposed to someone in the past, but mentally he is not in a place where he should be getting married. Men like him get married once life has ended for them. Once his football career is coming to a close, once he knocks Draya up and knows he can’t go anywhere, things of that nature. 

It’s really important that when dating a younger man, you make sure that you are both mentally in the same place. It doesn’t matter if he is 1 year younger than you or 5, if your maturity levels are different you will run into problems in the future. This is why it is very important to discuss your intentions. When the time is right, before you start picking out China patterns, ask subtle questions about his views on marriage, family and kids. Some men actually hold those values very high no matter what age they are. Men with great family values make great husbands. Actually TALKING to your man allows you to know exactly who you are involved with and if he will be a good puzzle piece to your life. Him simply being a good looking Baller doesn’t make him “The One”. 

It’s also important that you connect mentally, and not just physically. Malaysia made this point to Draya. Men cheat and it’s not always because they don’t have a great woman at home. You can be doing everything  you are supposed to as a woman, you could be giving him mind blowing sex daily, and if he wants to cheat, he will. It’s important to establish a mental bond with him as well as physical. It’s important that you are everything he eats, breathes, sleeps. Do things together that spiritually bring you closer. This is where attending church, reading and taking up hobbies become a big deal. 

Last but not least, you are not his mother nor his owner, he is not your pet. This simply means that you have to cut down on trying to control him. Regardless of age, a man is going to want to be a man. He does not need constant reminder that he is younger than you or that you are more experienced.  He also doesn’t need constant reminders of your insecurities. If you don’t trust him, fix that problem within yourself or leave. If you feel the need to question him, check his phone, demean him, etc…you need to spend some time alone and focus on your OWN issues. Be mindful in the way you speak to him. Treat him as a King and allow yourself to be his Queen.