Why Is He Only A Good Father When We're Together?

Now that Father's Day is over I think it's safe to write this blog. It's something that has been going on for a long time, but there really hasn't been an answer for it. 

When a man and a woman have children together he always seems to be a stand up guy. He's there for the children physically, financially, and emotionally. He is Father Of The Year while he's with you, but when things go sour in the relationship, why is it hard to even get a Mc Donald's Happy Meal and a phone call for his children? Now, this isn't exclusive to just Ballers, although I do want to throw out there that they do it too. Now, I know what many of you will say. You will probably say that the baby mama makes it unbearable to be around due to her antics and the guy doesn't want that headache. To that I say, oh f-cking well! You can't provide for your kids when it's easy an convenient then totally cut them off just because their mother is a pain in the ass. It doesn't work that way. They're still children. Correction, they're still YOUR children.

This definitely isn't a baby daddy bashing session. I've seen it personally first hand. Baby Daddy moves on, gets a new life and all of a sudden forgets about the lives he's already made. It makes you start to think. Was he only taking care of his children because they were in his face every day as a reminder? Does he need to be reminded to be responsible? Maybe he's just vindictive and it's hard for him to be the bigger person. Either way, it's terribly sad for the children. Those are the ones who really get hurt.

And women : you're not off the hook either! When the relationship goes south, let a man be a man. Just because he's not with you doesn't mean he can't be there for his kids. Don't make every visit about you! It's not about you! If you allow him to feel welcomed to take care of his business, it's likely that he will. If you pressure him, argue with him and frustrate him every time he attempts to come around, chances are he'll stop coming around. Let's try to make some changes in the family dynamic. It's going to take a lot to change the decreasing amount of dual family households, but we can at least take positive strides towards dual parenting.

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Comment by Baller Alert on June 20, 2012 at 1:29pm

When my cuzzo broke up with her baby father and then would call for help with the baby.. her baby father would respond "we got boat loads of pampers over here..come back and he will have everything he needs"


Some men are just ignant...

Comment by JustMe on June 20, 2012 at 1:57pm
I've seen men refuse to take care of their children when the relationship ends... But I have never seen a woman stop a man from taking care of his seed.

Yes some women are unbearable when the relationship goes south, but I've seen men go to court to enforce their rights... I've seen men drop money off & momo and pawpaws just so their baby has what it needs...

Regardless of how a relationship ends, children don't ask to come here, so I don't respect men or women that walk out on their child over ass... It's very easy to be a parent without also being in the home. People do it everyday.
Comment by Sheli on June 20, 2012 at 2:09pm

When I was younger and I use to ask why my dad wasn't around, my granny told me a man loves his child through the mother, I had no idea what it meant but all the grown women agreed. I understand it now. He loves his child as long as he's in love with the mother, when that love fade so does his love/attachment to his child. Sad as hell, but it happens. And some men are just as bitter as women, so they like to see the woman struggle and suffer just to prove some retarded point.

**DISCLAIMER---I did NOT say this applies to ALL men.**

Comment by Ms. BoiBye on June 20, 2012 at 6:08pm

This almost made me cry it hit so close to home. i knew this man for almost 12 years before we had her and he hates me because he couldn't break me.  I didn't have her alone, but will raise her alone to avoid any bull. But o the f*** well, I stopped asking i refuse to make my daughter a burden to him because he hates me. Momma's baby, daddy's maybe.

Comment by luvsmoochez on June 20, 2012 at 7:51pm

I wonder if there are signs when a man is like this b/c when you find out its already too late. I am sure if a man has kids already you can see how he is dealing with them and his baby's mom, but are there ways to tell when a man doesn't have kids already? I was so shocked that my brother-in-law turned out to be this kind of dude. I loved him like my blood brother, but when he and my sister divorced he never looked back. We find out he is in town through his mother. He doesn't try to have any kind of relationship with my nephew and my nephew is a teenager, so he doesn't even have to go through my sister. It hurts my heart cuz this boy needs his dad.

Comment by University of Smitty on June 20, 2012 at 7:53pm

@ Sheli  My granny told me the same thing.  She said that's how they can leave their kids behind, go down the street and be the perfect father to the next man's kids. 

Comment by Ms. BoiBye on June 21, 2012 at 1:52pm

Last night BD calls to see daughter. Maybe his is psychic, LOL. So I met him at the park, we walked around and talked. When it was time to go, she cried. I told him to take her home with him and take her to school in the morning. Just spoke to him he said he misses us and wants to come home. Hell naw, it summer time and I am not about to be hot and pissed off for nobody. Why can't he just take care of her without wanting me too. We are not a package deal, LOL. But at least he called and not me calling him.

Comment by LostInTheDMV on June 22, 2012 at 1:13pm
This really hit home for me, it described my father exactly... Once the marriage was over, he forgot we existed. Came to visit once and said he would be back the following week, didn't see him for 12 years, when I was an adult. His excuse was he didn't know where we lived, but all his family did... Mother never spoke ill about him. Didn't get much child support either...
Comment by l8dy-c on June 22, 2012 at 11:21pm
Moms are always the winners when the relationship is over. Kids need to understand that as soon as they are old enough.

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