When is it ever okay to check a man's phone? Do you check phones? Let's put it all on the table and spill it!

 

I'm going to be absolutely 100 with my BA fam, I am nosey. I am trusting, but I am nosey. I am trusting, but I am also analytical. These are my blessings and my faults. I will let you live your life and have all the space you need until you do something that makes my women's intuition say "something ain't right". I read body language very well and sometimes I may overanalyze but usually I am right. So now that I have that out of the way, if a man's phone rings and the first thing he does is hesitate, then look at me, then back at his phone..that's a red flag.  That makes me feel like you are hiding something and there is a reason you don't want to answer the phone in front of me. With that said, my curiosity will soon kick in and now every time your phone rings, I'll politely peer over and see if I can make out who's name shows up on the screen. It may stop there, it may not.

 

Yes, I'm a firm believer in 'if you look, you will find' but I also believe if I'm looking, there's a reason. It usually takes a lot for me to be courageous enough to pick up a man's phone and thumb through it however. If I've gotten to that point, it's highly possible the trust was out the window to begin with. I just hate the feeling that I get when looking through a phone. My heart beats fast, I get anxious, I get upset. Who wants to feel like that? If I ever get to that point it's because I felt the man was hiding something from me. And it has to be a big something before I step out of character.  I'm not proud to say that I've stuck around, even after going through a man's phone, but I'll admit it. I went through his text messages, his pictures, his phone log, every possible thing there was on his phone. Guess what I found? What I was looking for, at least 90% of the time. The other 10%? I took it as an L and decided to look again tomorrow. If I looked 2 consecutive times and found nothing, I stopped looking all together (That is unless I suspected he  was purging evidence). I've done it all! I've called the chick, made him call the chick with me in the room, set the chick up to come to my house then beat her ass....then beat his ass. ALL OF IT!

 

Pretty much what I'm saying is that I'm guilty of going through a man's phone and I hate it. I hate the feeling while I'm sifting through his text messages and I hate what I find. Is it right I did what I did? No. Is it right he did what HE did? Absolutely not. Curiosity is going to happen and my insecurity isn't totally my fault. I don't encourage looking through a man's cell phone but if a man doesn't want a woman to look, he'll make sure there's nothing to hide/find. So what do you guys say? Have you looked through phones? Do you condone it?

Views: 890

Comment by Desiree' on February 16, 2012 at 12:56pm

Yes ive looked through phones plenty of times and im tried of looking through phones im to the point where if i feel somethings not right i just leave because i trust my intuition and if its telling me something aint right 9 times outta 10 it aint! No use in confronting him or arguing like i said been there done that!

Comment by Love is a Losing Game on February 16, 2012 at 1:00pm
Lol @eleven8! Girl I didn't know u got down like that! Lmao!! This was a funny read! I say no, don't look through the phone, but I have done it before and found ish. If u feel the need, then it usually is something to find, still lmao though
Comment by luvsmoochez on February 16, 2012 at 3:37pm

The only time I looked through a man's phone I was married to him. i wouldn't give anyone else that much energy. You already know that if your 'Spidey Senses' are tingling that something is wrong.  I will ask questions pretaining to my discomfort, but I don't do it on the first sign. If the man is worth my time, I'd say "hey I noticed you never answer your phone in front of me. That makes me uncomfortable." I'd confront my issue not address it by accussing him of anything.

Comment by Jada on February 16, 2012 at 3:45pm

Hey Divas!

I am guilty. I look through my man’s phone. Not because he gives me a reason too but I think it helps me stay grounded. Sometimes I’ll announce it’s a phone check and do it in front of him. Sometimes I do it quickly when he’s not looking. It just makes me feel better.

I would like to add that until you plan to act on something you find then why even bother looking?

Comment by Denise on February 16, 2012 at 5:20pm

LMAO at the "it's a phone check!".....I've done it.....and 99 times out of 100 you find what you expected to find.....don't have that kinda energy any more.....but, it was never a secret, he knew, sometimes he was there, other time he got caught slipping....all in all, I got over the competition and let him go......I'm so peaceful now, that churning stomach while you quickly click through the phone screens is not a feeling I care to revisit

Comment by Honeycoated on February 16, 2012 at 7:19pm

"that churning stomach while you quickly click through the phone screens is not a feeling I care to revisit"

I agree with that statement! Denise. And I have done some of the things Eleven8 said as well. Now, I dont really think I will go through a phone, especially someone i'm just dating or "kicking it" with.

 

Dudes are usually stupid and mess up anyways, so one side of me just says, go with the flow untilhe f**** up and what he did in the dark comes out. But the other side says no, I want to find out NOW, so that I dont waste 6 months toa year of my life with a guy and get my feelings all involved.

 

If i find out he is dating others, when he lied and said he wasnt I can say to myself "ok he's a liar" and back off. Or say "ok, he is dating others, I will still date him, but now I know not to take him seriously and when I call him and he doesnt answer it's because he's with another chick"

Comment by Lady on February 16, 2012 at 9:51pm

a cell phone should be like a home phone, if his cell phone is near you you should be comfortable enough to answer it, and he should be comfortable enough to let you answer it. but its vice versa he should be able to answer your phone too

Comment by Babydoll on February 17, 2012 at 4:17am

I only look at my dudes phone when I am one foot in & one foot out of the relationship. Meaning I am looking for a reason to  stay or go. If I think he is doing something & I know I won't leave, I prefer to be ignorant until I am ready to make my move & then hit him with ALLLLL this s*** I know. Sad but effing true.

Comment by hk on February 19, 2012 at 2:20pm

Been there, done that--won't do it again.  I went looking through some emails and got my feelings hurt.  I couldn't really say anything, because I had it coming--I had done my share of dirt in the relationship.  Eventually things worked themselves out, but it's not that serious.  The person doing wrong has to live with their conscience--not me.

Comment by Baller Alert on February 19, 2012 at 3:52pm

I checked a few phones.. when u go looking u shall find.

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