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You Call it “Gold-Digging” & We Call it “Mating-Smart” By Ebonee Monique

We hear it all the time: “A woman who wants a man with money/status/power is a gold digger,” With no proof or rational backing, the masses (i.e. small-minded people) have adopted the phrase as being true and, in turn, become successful in convincing women that wanting more is wrong. B*******.

Let’s get one thing straight: a woman wanting a man who meets and/or exceeds her income is not a gold-digger; she’s “mating smart”. “Mating-smart” simply means the woman won’t be with someone who isn’t bringing a MINIMUM of her expectations (money, power, ambition) to the table. Most black women have been raised to be coy about what they want-for fear of looking too desperate or too aggressive. They don’t want to look too money-hungry, even if they crave a certain lifestyle; they don’t want to seem too power-hungry, even if they orgasm quicker from a man in a position of power than anything else. For so long, black women have been made to think that it’s wrong to want a mate with something. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a number of white women are groomed from childhood on up to not settle for anything below a certain bar. Their families practically marry their children off, within the same wealthy circles, to ensure a lifetime of financial comfort. So while you’re out there being shy about voicing your wants (i.e. a man making a certain amount of money or with a certain amount of power), the aggressive women who aren’t ashamed to vocalize what they want, are getting it.

A gold-digger, traditionally speaking, is a person (‘cause there are male gold-diggers out there) bringing nothing to the table who, yet, wants someone to bring the entire feast. That, ladies and gentlemen, does not reflect half the women I know who are labeled as “gold-diggers”. Somewhere along the line women wanting a mate with something turned into them being gold-diggers. Getting lost in the clutter of girls who only want someone to buy them Louboutins and Gucci shoes, are the women who genuinely bust their ass and don’t want to settle for a mediocre mate, who is below their level, simply to appease some unspoken rule on humility.

Why is it blasphemous to want a mate who is at or above your level? Women been told to “take what you can get”, for so long that they’re actually starting to believe that wanting more is “gold-digging”. If “digging” means having standards for the type of mate you want…you better dig the hell on and worry about who cares later.

As long as people can make you feel bad about wanting the caliber of mate that you do, they succeed in making themselves-and their mediocre lives-feel better. Nobody is handing out hugs & kisses for choosing the “safe and less judged” route. If you want a millionaire, don’t apologize for that. Don’t sell yourself short because you’re too scared to vocalize what you want and feel you deserve. EVER. In my opinion, if you want a mate in a certain tax bracket, living a certain lifestyle, as long as you’re meeting or matching what he’s bringing, there’s no fault to be found.

And listen, the majority of the people who have issues with women wanting a mate with something, are people who have nothing. If they are still earning minimum wage and can’t sit at the six-figure and up table, why are you even taking their opinion on “gold-diggers” as a relevant argument? Remember, wealthy men want a woman of a certain caliber- they like them to look good and, more times than not, bring something to the table- anyone anti- “mating smart” is usually someone without gold or hoes. There are plenty of extremely wealthy men who have a set requirement for what their women must look like. “She has to be light/dark,” “She has to look exotic on my arm,” “She has to make people turn their heads,” “She has to always remind people that I’m desired by attractive women,” So, if she’s getting with him for his money, power, respect or ambition and he’s getting with her for her looks, body and fantasy, it seems like an even trade to me. I’m still waiting to hear what part of that is “gold-digging”.

If you want a mate with status, ambition or money, don’t be apologetic or quick to diminish your self-worth because others feel like wanting more is “gold-digging”. Instead, focus on building yourself up to attract the appropriate mate that you can build with.

Dig on, with your bad self.

You can follow Ebonee on twitter @eboneemonique or check out her website www.eboneemonique.com

Tags: gold digging, mating smart, relationships

9 members like this

Comment by Shawn B on February 8, 2013 at 10:07am: This post is simply EVERYTHING! Black women need to be unapologetic about what we desire in a mate. You don't skimp on your education and career do you? If you go for the best in every aspect of life then why are we constantly being told to settle in our dating lives? Sure, not all six figure better men are good men but NEITHER ARE THE ONES EARNING LESS. Therefore, choose someone who is in position to better your situation. He does not have to be a millionaire per se, but set your standard and be unapologetic about it. Ask. Believe. Receive.

Authoress Ebonee Monique I love and salute you my dear. Thank you for blessing us with this phenomenal post.

Comment by Siren on February 8, 2013 at 10:15am: Good Stuff...never be apologetic for what you want in life.

Comment by Tone © on February 8, 2013 at 10:34am: Nobody calls Oprah a gold digger because she has her own. It's always women that don't have s*** that demand the most s***. A woman that is getting money won't be around broke dudes so that is not even an issue for women getting money. Nobody settles more then a black Man so cut the act of people telling black women to settle who tells you guys that?

Comment by KM2012 on February 8, 2013 at 10:55am: I loved this. Straight to the point

Comment by Msknowitall on February 8, 2013 at 11:22am: Great read!

Comment by Future Socialite on February 8, 2013 at 12:17pm: @Tone, nobody calls Oprah a gold digger because she isn't a gold digger. No man was her come up. She worked her ass off to be in the spot that she's in today. I love this article however towards the end I don't really agree with it because it's like a contradiction. First you're saying that a person should be an equal amount of something to the table but then you say if a woman looks good on a guy's arm, it's okay. Like no, she's a gold digger if she's just using her looks to get by. What happens when those looks start to fade and boobs start to sag? Plastic surgery, yes. Or the man leaves for the next young hot thing.

Comment by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on February 8, 2013 at 1:14pm: As long as a woman has something a man wants she is not a gold digger. It is a fair exchange. Period.

This needs to be on a tee shirt. Let me go over to zazzle and see how much this would cost. lol "

If “digging” means having standards for the type of mate you want…you better dig the hell on and worry about who cares later.

Comment by luvsmoochez on February 8, 2013 at 1:39pm: I like the aritcle. I really don't care what the next person wants to call me, its about what works for my life. "If they are still earning minimum wage and can’t sit at the six-figure and up table, why are you even taking their opinion on “gold-diggers” as a relevant argument?"

Comment by mavsbabe41 on February 8, 2013 at 4:24pm: Just keep digging, just keep digging, just keep digging, digging, digging. Great article!

Comment by AlterEgo on February 8, 2013 at 8:36pm: Just had this convo the other day. Real ish!

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