***Bush Ninja This is for you, and your advice***

I want to get married. Make no mistake about it. I want to experience that life-long, soul-comforting love that your grandparents told you about at their 40th anniversary party. I've daydreamed about my marriage (note that I did not say wedding) for as long as I can remember.

My vision always included me and my honey, ripe with age and experience, sitting on our porch, sharing some Jell-O and talking about all we've been through, happy that we survived it all with each other.

Like many women my age (I'm 26, by the way), I've given some thought to making this dream come true. But unlike some, I'm in no rush.

Mr. He'll Do instead of Mr. Right

Building a relationship to the point where marriage is the next step takes time and hard work -- especially if you want to be together well into the denture-wearing, Ben-Gay-rubbing days. I'd rather take my time and let real love find me than rush out the door, Cupid's arrow in hand. The problem with some of us is that when we decide it's time, we take Mr. He'll Do instead of waiting for Mr. Right. Believe me, I've wasted enough time on the wrong brothers when I knew better.

So when I see this book claiming that you can meet and marry your soul mate within a year, I think, they can't be serious. Can they? One year? Just 365 days?

That's what The Marriage Plan: How to Meet and Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less (Broadway Books) promises. The book, by Aggie Jordan, Ph.D., says its 13 steps will lead you to your man.

Meet and marry in a year?

As a skeptical New Yorker (not born but raised -- what do you expect?), I couldn't help but laugh when I read about Jordan's book in a newspaper. Hell, it takes about a year just to plan a wedding, much less find the groom. Marriage can come only after you've been with someone long enough to know that you'd be quite happy to wake up to that same face every morning for the next 75 years (men aren't the only ones with that fear). Meet and marry in a year? It's just not something you put on your To Do list.

To test the logic of this get-hitched-quick scheme, I just tried to imagine myself on "Jordan's" game plan:

Step 1 Set your goal OK, that's easy.

Step 2 Set a deadline February 2010.

Step 3 Draw a profile I'll keep this simple: Morris Chesnut looks (I love the I love the Debonair style), Mos Def's sense of political, social and cultural awareness, Common's spirituality and sensitivity, Kevin Powell's brand of intelligence and the sense to know that we gon' need a little more than a 401(k) and his father's gold coin collection to keep us financially happy in the years to come. Oh and Jay-Z 's swag ( oh I have that Booyahkah)That's not too much, ya think?

Step 4 Trust that he'll come into your life Hmmm. Please God, please God, please God.

Step 5 Gain support for your goal Oh, this should be fun. I can just see my girls looking at me like I done lost my mind.

Step 6 Don't date partial profilers Damn, I guess that Republican investment-banker cutie won't do.

Step 7 Be open and direct. Don't play games Hey wait, I'm still looking for the full profile.

Step 8 Tell him your goal I can just imagine: Hi. My name is Sug* and I'm trying to get married in a year. ... Interested?

Step 9 Develop intimacy He's still reeling over the proposal. I don't think he wants to share anything with me except a number to a therapist.

Step 10 Fall in love, be in love Hey wait, I'm still trying to develop intimacy.

Step 11 Don't have sex before commitment. Commitment to marry or commitment to stay with my crazy behind after hearing my insane plan? I'm confused.

Step 12 Get commitment Hold on. I'm still trying to figure out that last step.

Step 13 Get married! Yeah right!

Well for some girls this might work. For me, not a chance. Maybe it's because I'm not over 28, which Aggie Jordan describes as the best age for her 13 steps because, at that age you've been dating long enough. But I still believe what the Supremes say: You can't hurry love. It's never a right time we as people will always want more, you just have to believe and let God. You know that you will Be there for each other no matter what.< ---------- (SP)

Hmm. While I wait, let me go find the number for that investment banker........(I wish)

Views: 21

Tags: Sugar, cant, hurry, love, relationships

Comment by OUT OF CONTROL on November 12, 2008 at 3:53pm
This will definitely not work for me either. I'm out the game after Step 11....
Comment by Nduta on November 12, 2008 at 7:13pm
I have a dear friend who got married 1 year and a day after meeting her now husband.
They met at a wedding in march of '05, got engaged end of August, got married in march of '06. The couple in who's wedding they met also came for the wedding.
Comment by Sugar on November 12, 2008 at 7:41pm
That's whats up.....I hope I get married I think it's every woman's dream...
Comment by CLEM on November 13, 2008 at 5:28am
Marriage is the last thing on my mind right now.
However this is post is very true, every aspect needs to come "natural".
Comment by she-who-rocks on November 13, 2008 at 8:29am
The best thing I ever heard is stop asking for a husband, cause you will keep getting someone else's husband! ask for a man whom will become your husband.
I think putting numbers on it is silly. My parents met and a year later they were married, my mom was 33, 2 kids, my step dad was 22, go figure. 25 years later still happily married and still very much in love. Let go of the numbers, when it is right it will be right. When you are ready it will be.
Comment by MRSBIG on November 13, 2008 at 1:51pm
i read this book. I liked it! Try it! But be prepared for guys to walk away.
Comment by MRSBIG on November 13, 2008 at 1:51pm
@she who rocks, so true about asking "for a husband".
Comment by Stephbaby on November 13, 2008 at 2:46pm
LOL Sug u crazy! Didnt know I gotcha 1 year on the age. Love the post though. I have to agree it wouldnt work for most of us. This seems more like "how to lose a guy & your sanity after the second date".

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